Dennis is a quiet, almost reclusive chap who lives on his own and suffers with dementia. Of late he has gotten worse due to circumstances that have upset his daily routine. Invariably I walk in to find him just sitting there staring at the walls in silence, waiting for the warden or me to make our daily calls. Conversation can be quite hard, he often gives one word answers, not because he is being rude but because he can't think of any way to elaborate. As a consequence, I know that a lot of carers go in, do their tasks and leave.
Just recently I asked him why he does not go out more, and was surprised to hear that he was in fact sitting in waiting for the warden and me to arrive.
'It's rude to go out when you know someone is coming to visit'
So in fact along with his meals on wheels, our visits had become his life. He was even sitting in waiting for the 'check' call over the tannoy system
This was obviously unacceptable, so I suggested to Dennis that he at least go to 'The Coffee Morning'* on Wednesdays and I will make my visit later on that day.
The following Wednesday I arrived just after he had got home and the difference in him was remarkable; He was smiling, talkative and more alive than I have ever known since visiting him.
It's an interesting thought that Carers are supposed to improve quality of life, but in this case we had become a hindrance.
Since that day I have spoken to the family and suggested '**Singing for the brain', which he now attends on Thursdays.
* Quote from a lady 'why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
** http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=760
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