hallucinations

I was visiting Jean, my lonely lady who lives alone in a remote village. If you remember she is the one who always looks for any excuse to keep you longer than necessary and spends her day watching the clock for when the next carer arrives. In recent months I have been doing her late call and have spent a bit of time each evening talking about her past. She has some lovely stories about her escapades during the war.




Tonight I noticed a piece of cotton wool taped to her arm and asked what it was
'I have had a blood test because the doctor thought I had a urine infection but wants to check out some other avenues' she replied candidly
'So it's not a urine infection then' I enquired.
'No, bloody doctors blame everything on urine infections' she retorted
'Well it can be quite nasty,'I explained 'I've had lots of ladies and gents who have had them and they can cause hallucinations.'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, most of them believe they can see people in the corners of the room and they start talking to them'
'I talk to my departed husband every morning; I tell him he has to go before you lot arrive'
'That's different, lots of people do that. In these cases they hear them talking and even hold conversations. They really believe the person is in the room.'
'Oh really! Just from something as simple as a urine infection?'
'Yes!'
'Incredible! she chuckled 'How do I go about getting one of these urine infections? I could do with some company'

Not every one is the same

It struck me today how much I have to change my behaviour according to the different situations and people I am visiting. You can't teach this skill as it is something you either do naturally or have to learn as you gain experience.

One of my ladies for example, loves to listen to me singing when I do my chores (must be tone deaf) but occasionally when she has had a bad night she wants silence. I have learnt over time to assess her mood before I make too much noise.There are some ladies and Gents who like a laugh and joke and others who just want you to go in, do your job and disappear; Some want to know all the gossip and others barely say a word; Some of my ladies like a cuddle when they are feeling a bit low; Nearly all appreciate a kiss on the forehead to say goodnight, whereas there are a few who definitely 'DON'T!'

Subject matter has to be considered too, I avoid politics and religion at all costs. You have to tune into people's sense of humour as well, I remember one occasion when I got it totally wrong;  I am always looking for little bits of humour or news to share as I do my visits, so when I saw a clip on 'You Tube' with two men doing a clever routine in the nude with a small towel to cover their decency, I thought I had found  a little gem. I went from call to call demonstrating the scene using tea towels, keeping my clothes on of course. Everyone found it hilarious, especially as I was deliberately being rubbish at it and kept dropping the towel on the floor.

'I think you had better keep you clothes on for now Dear!'
'Perhaps a bit more practise is in order'
'I don't think it's ready for the stage yet Luv'

 As I left each house I could hear chuckles and guffaws echoing in my ears and I was feeling pleased with my day's work. Apart from one gentleman who stopped me in mid flow and told me that it was ridiculously crude and not funny at all. What's more he barely spoke to me properly for two days despite my apologies. I stick to talking about  the routes I take on my bike rides now.

On the other side of the coin there is Sandra, a lady brought up in the East End of London who loves a bit of smutty humour. I clearly have to be careful what I say as I have a professional image to uphold but the other day she was looking at her bird feeders and I told her a story about the ones in my garden.....

I had bought some suet balls and a feeder for the feeding station and watched with anticipation for any sign of activity. After about two weeks I had given up hope and mentioned this to my wife, who said we have to be patient as the birds need to get used to them being there. The knowledgeable remark of an avid 'Springwatch' viewer
Another week went by and whilst at work I received a text from my wife which read like this: -
'Great tits on your fat balls' to which I replied  'Yes darling, but are there any birds on our feeders yet?'

 When I hit the punch line Sandra laughed like a drain for about five minutes.

Gallows humour

Edith is an independent lady who refuses to acknowledge the fact that she is getting on a bit. She is over 90 but still likes to get out and about despite her family telling her to take it easy and let them drive her about.

Yesterday as I entered her apartment found her sitting in her armchair with a huge black eye. 

'Goodness Edith, what have you done to yourself'

'I fell over outside Tesco' she replied casually.
'Tesco?' I said with a certain amount of shock. 'But that's on the other side of town!

'I know, I fell off of the bus' 

'What were you doing going to Tesco's when there is a shop round the corner?'

'Well my kettle broke, so I was taking it back'

'You should have waited until your daughter could take you'

'I know, I was a bit silly really; ended up at A&E for three hours and I have bruised all my ribs too'

'Yes it was more than a bit silly and I bet you didn't have your walking stick with you either'

'Nope and you know what was even sillier' she smirked 'it wasn't until later on that I realized that I had bought the kettle from Sainsbury's'

the water jug

Meals on wheels is a life line for a large number of elderly people. They provide a hot meal every day served on a plate from a friendly smiling face. The food is wholesome and provides a balanced diet for many who can't be bothered to cook and start to neglect their health. Like care workers, they are also another contact with the outside world for what would otherwise be a lonely existence. They also provide an information service to the elderly with various leaflets about health issues and awareness of cold calling fraudsters.





Earlier this year they gave all their customers a fleece blanket along with some instant hot drinks to help keep warm through the winter months.  I had to smile as I entered  each house and saw the now familiar black and white fleece folded on the side or laying on a lap.

'I see you have had a present from Meals on wheels' I would say to them
'Oh yes, isn't it lovely' and 'What a great idea' and 'It's keeping me nice and warm' came the regular replies.

No doubt pleased with the popularity of this gesture Meals on wheels tried again this week, giving a free water jug along with a letter explaining the importance of keeping hydrated. As a carer I thought this was a great idea as I calculated that 90 percent of my ladies and gents have had a urine infection at some time since I started and one gentleman has died.

Needless to say, I used the jug as a talking point, but unfortunately I was not greeted with the same positive responses as the blanket.

'Bloody thing taking up space'
'I can't drink all that in a day'
'I have spent all my life drinking tea, why should I start changing now?'
''I suppose it's some busy body up at the council trying to tell us what we should and shouldn't do again'
'You can tell those do gooders to stick their jug where the sun don't shine'

Coming from ladies and gentleman as old as a hundred who am I to argue; I obviously tried, but in most cases my protestations fell on deaf ears

I was beginning to get a bit wary about commenting on these unwanted gifts and receiving barrages of abuse;
There was one lady, however, that I was convinced would be pleased about her new jug. Despite having a lot of money, she would always make do with a coke bottle as her water receptacle, with myself and another carer always on the look out for a new one as a replacement when the old one got stale and began to smell.
'Why do I need to waste money on a proper jug when an old coke bottle will do' she would say
So as I entered her house I was pleased to see the new jug sitting on the side but dismayed to see it empty. Perhaps it had only just arrived I thought, so unperturbed and convinced she would be pleased with her new acquisition, I enquired if she liked it.

'Bloody thing, what a waste of time!' she replied
I was quite taken back by this retort and immediately started on my healthy living response.....
'But you need to drink plenty of water to stop urine infections'
'I know that!' she said
'And you of all people should know that'
'I know!'
'You had urine infection only last month'
'I know!
'And you could do with a new jug as those old coke bottles are unhygenic'
'I know!'
'So why are you not using it'
'Bloody thing leaks, it has a pin hole in the bottom, I fell asleep and woke up with water everywhere'

look on the bright side

I have the privilege of looking after a Centurion. She is a lovely lady who makes me smile with her no nonsense approach to life. We have some lovely conversations about her life as a child. One such story was how she regretted never learning to ride a bike. This was because her Father thought it inappropriate for girls to be riding bikes







Recently she has been under the weather and feeling a bit fed up with herself.
'It's terrible being old and living on your own' she said after the niceties had passed
'Yes, I can see that' I sympathised
'You don't see anyone from one day to the next, hardly anyone visits. Still what can you do? Read a newspaper; read a book, look out of the window;  I'm not one for watching television, so with these dark nights you end up going to bed at seven. It's no life you know' she continued
'I know, it must be lonely for you'
'Never mind dear' she said, bucking herself up ' It could be worse'
'How do you mean?' 
After a moments thought she smiled and said  'No bed!'

Ambiguity

Recently I had to attend a course on recording and reporting. Before I begin I must point out that this was a course for any company to attend so does not necessarily reflect on our carers.








I went along thinking that it was a bit of a waste of time to be honest, I mean all you have to do is write down anything you do and report to the office anything that you feel needs immediate attention.Having said that there were a few eye openers  What some of you may not know is that these reports are kept for up to seven years and can be used in a court of law. So potentially anything we write down could be held against us in a law suit if we get it wrong. Quite a responsibility when you consider that care workers are on about the same money as someone stacking shelves in a supermarket. Because of this you have to cover your back, stick to facts and write down names of people you have reported to etc. One thing that I and many other carers are guilty of is writing ‘All OK on exit’. Apparently some carers have been hauled into court because they have written that simple statement down and an individual has taken a turn for the worse after they had left. The carer then had to explain to the court, why they did not notice that he was about to have a heart attack.



On the lighter side was the ambiguity of abbreviations; It is something that we shouldn't do, but again many carers are guilty of writing things like MOW for meals on wheels and DN for District nurse.

The ones that made me laugh were the following: -

I noticed his BO when he went to the toilet.
PA was tied to his bed.
John AWOL


Imagine what the family would have thought if they had read them. see the innocent explanations below

BO - Bowels Opened

AWOL - All Well On Leaving

PA -pendant alarm

Animal Antics

Many of my ladies and gents have pets to keep them company. I have often found these four legged friends to be a useful tool when visiting someone for the first time, start talking about their beloved animals and you are the best care worker in the world.

In fact some animals rely on my calls as much as the people I am caring for, because it is also their opportunity for a toilet break and food.








I have two ladies with cats; The first lady often greets me with 'Where's my cats? I haven't seen my animals for three days. I bet that Cow next door has taken them in.' She will then lean out of the window and start shouting at the unfortunate lady to let her cats out of her house. I might add at this point that she only has one cat and the neighbour does not take it in, and this regular event takes place at about 7AM most mornings until the feline responsible for all this commotion returns,usually before I have to move on to my next call. I have to admit I am always glad if the cat has already returned before I arrive because it makes my life so much easier; if the cat is home I have a calm reasonable lady to deal with, whereas she will be very agitated and won't do anything until the little moggy has returned.
On Wednesdays  I arrive later for one reason or another and on one such occasion,  I could hear the lady shouting out of the window before I entered the house.
'I have lost my cat, someone has stolen him, I haven't seen him for three days, I bet it's her next door.'
 I spent the best part of the call calming her down by saying that he always comes home, I saw him yesterday and it's a nice day so perhaps he has decided to spend time in the sunshine. All to no avail. I have to admit to being concerned myself at this time of day and even took to shouting out of the window myself in a vain attempt to lure him home. Because the lady was so agitated and I had other calls to make, I rang the office to explain the situation before leaving some 40 minutes later. It was on the way out that I happened to glance into the bedroom and saw the cat innocently curled up on her bed oblivious to the consternation it had caused.

Another lady's cat always comes over for a stroke as I enter, but scuttles off the moment I start work because it knows that I am about to get the hoover out. It always seems to forgive me afterwards and  comes back purring as I sit down to fill in my care notes. All very nice but I wish that it did not sit on the page I am writing on.

And finally there is one lady that I visit with two beautiful collies called Ghost and Whiskey. When I arrive they go berserk which proves very difficult when trying to get in the door. Ghost, a stunning silver grey wolf like creature, immediately grabs his ball and barges Whiskey out of the way. Whiskey, the old boy of the two, then barks relentlessly in frustration, as if he wished he had thought about getting the ball first.

There is not much for me to do at this particular call apart from checking the lady is OK and has taken her meds, so I often stay for a chat a and more often than not play with the dogs especially when the conversation dries up a bit. I have even taken to training them to take turns with the ball and have to admit this is a bit of a treat for me as I used to have a dog and since she passed away, we have decided not to have another one due to health reasons.

After I had been visiting for a few months the lady concerned answered the door with a smile and said 

'I think my dogs think that you come to see them and not me.'

'Why is that?' I asked
'Well ten minutes before you arrive they have both started to sit by the front door waiting for you'