snippets of conversation

Discussion with one of my ladies when I was running late

'I have got to go' I apologised 'because I have got to get to my next gentleman out of bed'

'You don't have to wash him as well, do you?'

'yes'

'Even his, you know.......(hushed voice) .... willy'

(hushed voice) 'Yes'

'Yuk! The thought of it makes me feel sick. I couldn't do it! especially if a little bit of.... you know.... dribble came out'

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Another lady at meal time

'There you go M'dear, a nice ham sandwich for your supper'

'Thank you,  let me take my teeth out so I can eat it'

This turned out to be a bit more serious as her denture hurt when she ate, so I spoke to the family about a trip to the dentist

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Whilst I was showering one of my ladies and was about to clean her nether regions,  she innocently asked...... 

'Can you check to see if my pussy is OK.'
She was of course talking about her cat.
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 Quote from a lady at a care home social event
 'Why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
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Random comment from a lady who feels the need to share this sort of information on a regular basis
'I finally went to the toilet today. You won't believe how messy it was' 'It was the messiest poo ever and took me ages to clean up.' etc...........
As if I would really want to know
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Whilst chatting to a lady who had recently had a fall and needed more care than normal, I suggested that I could help her in the shower
'My God No! I am not letting you anywhere near my Minnie mouse'
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A Lady looking up at some old bibles on the top shelf of her library
'Do you Know?  When I was able to get about more , I used to dust those bibles religiously every week
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'Do you know Harry Rednapp picks the players for all the teams'
'What every football team?'
'Oh Yes!'
'So he must know who is going to win'
'Ah! with a wink 'Now you are cottoning on.'
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talking to one of my ladies tonight who said 'I had Spicy bean burger in BHS today, My friend thought it was really spicy, I thought it was quite bland'.
I replied that's a shame, I made a sausage casserole tonight which had leeks, garlic, carrot, baked beans, turmeric and curry powder in it, you probably would have liked that instead.
'Oh no, not for me thanks, I don't like spicy food!'
'But you said the bean burger wasn't spicy enough for you'
'That's right, I think it must just be different recipes, some are and some aren't'
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Quote from my 100 year old lady today 'You know what dear, I think I am getting old.'
Second quote from her
'Do you know, I went out today and whilst sitting in the square looking at all the people, I came to the conclusion I'm wearing the wrong clothes'
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Had to smile today. My ears are blocked up with wax so I can't hear very well. So as I entered each house call I apologised for the fact that I might be a bit deaf today, and without exception they all said 'Pardon!'
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Elderly gentleman with dementia who has been going round on a loop asking and saying the same thing for about an hour, approaches another resident in our care home who has all her faculties.
'I didn't come in here to die'
'Didn't you Duck? What did you come for then?'