Gallows humour

Edith is an independent lady who refuses to acknowledge the fact that she is getting on a bit. She is over 90 but still likes to get out and about despite her family telling her to take it easy and let them drive her about.

Yesterday as I entered her apartment found her sitting in her armchair with a huge black eye. 

'Goodness Edith, what have you done to yourself'

'I fell over outside Tesco' she replied casually.
'Tesco?' I said with a certain amount of shock. 'But that's on the other side of town!

'I know, I fell off of the bus' 

'What were you doing going to Tesco's when there is a shop round the corner?'

'Well my kettle broke, so I was taking it back'

'You should have waited until your daughter could take you'

'I know, I was a bit silly really; ended up at A&E for three hours and I have bruised all my ribs too'

'Yes it was more than a bit silly and I bet you didn't have your walking stick with you either'

'Nope and you know what was even sillier' she smirked 'it wasn't until later on that I realized that I had bought the kettle from Sainsbury's'

the water jug

Meals on wheels is a life line for a large number of elderly people. They provide a hot meal every day served on a plate from a friendly smiling face. The food is wholesome and provides a balanced diet for many who can't be bothered to cook and start to neglect their health. Like care workers, they are also another contact with the outside world for what would otherwise be a lonely existence. They also provide an information service to the elderly with various leaflets about health issues and awareness of cold calling fraudsters.





Earlier this year they gave all their customers a fleece blanket along with some instant hot drinks to help keep warm through the winter months.  I had to smile as I entered  each house and saw the now familiar black and white fleece folded on the side or laying on a lap.

'I see you have had a present from Meals on wheels' I would say to them
'Oh yes, isn't it lovely' and 'What a great idea' and 'It's keeping me nice and warm' came the regular replies.

No doubt pleased with the popularity of this gesture Meals on wheels tried again this week, giving a free water jug along with a letter explaining the importance of keeping hydrated. As a carer I thought this was a great idea as I calculated that 90 percent of my ladies and gents have had a urine infection at some time since I started and one gentleman has died.

Needless to say, I used the jug as a talking point, but unfortunately I was not greeted with the same positive responses as the blanket.

'Bloody thing taking up space'
'I can't drink all that in a day'
'I have spent all my life drinking tea, why should I start changing now?'
''I suppose it's some busy body up at the council trying to tell us what we should and shouldn't do again'
'You can tell those do gooders to stick their jug where the sun don't shine'

Coming from ladies and gentleman as old as a hundred who am I to argue; I obviously tried, but in most cases my protestations fell on deaf ears

I was beginning to get a bit wary about commenting on these unwanted gifts and receiving barrages of abuse;
There was one lady, however, that I was convinced would be pleased about her new jug. Despite having a lot of money, she would always make do with a coke bottle as her water receptacle, with myself and another carer always on the look out for a new one as a replacement when the old one got stale and began to smell.
'Why do I need to waste money on a proper jug when an old coke bottle will do' she would say
So as I entered her house I was pleased to see the new jug sitting on the side but dismayed to see it empty. Perhaps it had only just arrived I thought, so unperturbed and convinced she would be pleased with her new acquisition, I enquired if she liked it.

'Bloody thing, what a waste of time!' she replied
I was quite taken back by this retort and immediately started on my healthy living response.....
'But you need to drink plenty of water to stop urine infections'
'I know that!' she said
'And you of all people should know that'
'I know!'
'You had urine infection only last month'
'I know!
'And you could do with a new jug as those old coke bottles are unhygenic'
'I know!'
'So why are you not using it'
'Bloody thing leaks, it has a pin hole in the bottom, I fell asleep and woke up with water everywhere'

look on the bright side

I have the privilege of looking after a Centurion. She is a lovely lady who makes me smile with her no nonsense approach to life. We have some lovely conversations about her life as a child. One such story was how she regretted never learning to ride a bike. This was because her Father thought it inappropriate for girls to be riding bikes







Recently she has been under the weather and feeling a bit fed up with herself.
'It's terrible being old and living on your own' she said after the niceties had passed
'Yes, I can see that' I sympathised
'You don't see anyone from one day to the next, hardly anyone visits. Still what can you do? Read a newspaper; read a book, look out of the window;  I'm not one for watching television, so with these dark nights you end up going to bed at seven. It's no life you know' she continued
'I know, it must be lonely for you'
'Never mind dear' she said, bucking herself up ' It could be worse'
'How do you mean?' 
After a moments thought she smiled and said  'No bed!'