snippets of conversation

Discussion with one of my ladies when I was running late

'I have got to go' I apologised 'because I have got to get to my next gentleman out of bed'

'You don't have to wash him as well, do you?'

'yes'

'Even his, you know.......(hushed voice) .... willy'

(hushed voice) 'Yes'

'Yuk! The thought of it makes me feel sick. I couldn't do it! especially if a little bit of.... you know.... dribble came out'

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Another lady at meal time

'There you go M'dear, a nice ham sandwich for your supper'

'Thank you,  let me take my teeth out so I can eat it'

This turned out to be a bit more serious as her denture hurt when she ate, so I spoke to the family about a trip to the dentist

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Whilst I was showering one of my ladies and was about to clean her nether regions,  she innocently asked...... 

'Can you check to see if my pussy is OK.'
She was of course talking about her cat.
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 Quote from a lady at a care home social event
 'Why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
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Random comment from a lady who feels the need to share this sort of information on a regular basis
'I finally went to the toilet today. You won't believe how messy it was' 'It was the messiest poo ever and took me ages to clean up.' etc...........
As if I would really want to know
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Whilst chatting to a lady who had recently had a fall and needed more care than normal, I suggested that I could help her in the shower
'My God No! I am not letting you anywhere near my Minnie mouse'
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A Lady looking up at some old bibles on the top shelf of her library
'Do you Know?  When I was able to get about more , I used to dust those bibles religiously every week
==========================================================================
'Do you know Harry Rednapp picks the players for all the teams'
'What every football team?'
'Oh Yes!'
'So he must know who is going to win'
'Ah! with a wink 'Now you are cottoning on.'
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talking to one of my ladies tonight who said 'I had Spicy bean burger in BHS today, My friend thought it was really spicy, I thought it was quite bland'.
I replied that's a shame, I made a sausage casserole tonight which had leeks, garlic, carrot, baked beans, turmeric and curry powder in it, you probably would have liked that instead.
'Oh no, not for me thanks, I don't like spicy food!'
'But you said the bean burger wasn't spicy enough for you'
'That's right, I think it must just be different recipes, some are and some aren't'
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Quote from my 100 year old lady today 'You know what dear, I think I am getting old.'
Second quote from her
'Do you know, I went out today and whilst sitting in the square looking at all the people, I came to the conclusion I'm wearing the wrong clothes'
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Had to smile today. My ears are blocked up with wax so I can't hear very well. So as I entered each house call I apologised for the fact that I might be a bit deaf today, and without exception they all said 'Pardon!'
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Elderly gentleman with dementia who has been going round on a loop asking and saying the same thing for about an hour, approaches another resident in our care home who has all her faculties.
'I didn't come in here to die'
'Didn't you Duck? What did you come for then?'

Not every one is the same

It struck me today how much I have to change my behaviour according to the different situations and people I am visiting. You can't teach this skill as it is something you either do naturally or have to learn as you gain experience.

One of my ladies for example, loves to listen to me singing when I do my chores (must be tone deaf) but occasionally when she has had a bad night she wants silence. I have learnt over time to assess her mood before I make too much noise.There are some ladies and Gents who like a laugh and joke and others who just want you to go in, do your job and disappear; Some want to know all the gossip and others barely say a word; Some of my ladies like a cuddle when they are feeling a bit low; Nearly all appreciate a kiss on the forehead to say goodnight, whereas there are a few who definitely 'DON'T!'

Subject matter has to be considered too, I avoid politics and religion at all costs. You have to tune into people's sense of humour as well, I remember one occasion when I got it totally wrong;  I am always looking for little bits of humour or news to share as I do my visits, so when I saw a clip on 'You Tube' with two men doing a clever routine in the nude with a small towel to cover their decency, I thought I had found  a little gem. I went from call to call demonstrating the scene using tea towels, keeping my clothes on of course. Everyone found it hilarious, especially as I was deliberately being rubbish at it and kept dropping the towel on the floor.

'I think you had better keep you clothes on for now Dear!'
'Perhaps a bit more practise is in order'
'I don't think it's ready for the stage yet Luv'

 As I left each house I could hear chuckles and guffaws echoing in my ears and I was feeling pleased with my day's work. Apart from one gentleman who stopped me in mid flow and told me that it was ridiculously crude and not funny at all. What's more he barely spoke to me properly for two days despite my apologies. I stick to talking about  the routes I take on my bike rides now.

On the other side of the coin there is Sandra, a lady brought up in the East End of London who loves a bit of smutty humour. I clearly have to be careful what I say as I have a professional image to uphold but the other day she was looking at her bird feeders and I told her a story about the ones in my garden.....

I had bought some suet balls and a feeder for the feeding station and watched with anticipation for any sign of activity. After about two weeks I had given up hope and mentioned this to my wife, who said we have to be patient as the birds need to get used to them being there. The knowledgeable remark of an avid 'Springwatch' viewer
Another week went by and whilst at work I received a text from my wife which read like this: -
'Great tits on your fat balls' to which I replied  'Yes darling, but are there any birds on our feeders yet?'

 When I hit the punch line Sandra laughed like a drain for about five minutes.

Gallows humour

Edith is an independent lady who refuses to acknowledge the fact that she is getting on a bit. She is over 90 but still likes to get out and about despite her family telling her to take it easy and let them drive her about.

Yesterday as I entered her apartment found her sitting in her armchair with a huge black eye. 

'Goodness Edith, what have you done to yourself'

'I fell over outside Tesco' she replied casually.
'Tesco?' I said with a certain amount of shock. 'But that's on the other side of town!

'I know, I fell off of the bus' 

'What were you doing going to Tesco's when there is a shop round the corner?'

'Well my kettle broke, so I was taking it back'

'You should have waited until your daughter could take you'

'I know, I was a bit silly really; ended up at A&E for three hours and I have bruised all my ribs too'

'Yes it was more than a bit silly and I bet you didn't have your walking stick with you either'

'Nope and you know what was even sillier' she smirked 'it wasn't until later on that I realized that I had bought the kettle from Sainsbury's'

look on the bright side

I have the privilege of looking after a Centurion. She is a lovely lady who makes me smile with her no nonsense approach to life. We have some lovely conversations about her life as a child. One such story was how she regretted never learning to ride a bike. This was because her Father thought it inappropriate for girls to be riding bikes







Recently she has been under the weather and feeling a bit fed up with herself.
'It's terrible being old and living on your own' she said after the niceties had passed
'Yes, I can see that' I sympathised
'You don't see anyone from one day to the next, hardly anyone visits. Still what can you do? Read a newspaper; read a book, look out of the window;  I'm not one for watching television, so with these dark nights you end up going to bed at seven. It's no life you know' she continued
'I know, it must be lonely for you'
'Never mind dear' she said, bucking herself up ' It could be worse'
'How do you mean?' 
After a moments thought she smiled and said  'No bed!'

the new hearing aids

Derek is one of these men who is lucky enough or unlucky enough in his opinion to reach 100 years of age. He can still walk and can read a book in a day. Of late his hearing has deteriorated and this became the regular topic of conversation. Firstly because the nurses do not do home visits to syringe any more so he had to go to the surgery to have it done. Then his hearing was not much better so he invested a lot of money in custom hearing aids. On the first day after they had arrived I found him fiddling around trying to get them in his ear.
'They will have to go back they do not fit' he remonstrated
'Shall I try?' I offered
This is not as straight forward as might seem. There is obviously a left and right hearing aid and unlike the national health ones they are not so easy to differentiate. Also, because they fit snuggly in each ear they are quite tricky to fit. I eventually worked out there is blue and red writing to indicate left and right and life was ok.

Two days later.
'These hearing aids aren't working again'
'Have the batteries run out'
'What in two days, I can't afford to change them that often'
It was the batteries but you are supposed to slightly remove them at night to save the charge. Another problem solved, and everything seemed alright apart from the fact that he would regularly take them out during the day and then complain they were not working when he had not quite put them back in properly' Almost every time I went in I was greeted with
'These hearing aids don't work they will have to go back.'
Two weeks go by and the hearing aid saga is beginning to settle down until, I walk and find him really despondent.
'What's the problem?'
'These hearing aids, I have spent a lot of money on them and now I think they are too loud, I think I will have to go back and get them reset'
'Am I too loud?'
'No you are alright but it's when I watch television'
'Shall we try them out now'
'OK but it's no good'

I turned the TV on and the volume was through the roof; it was so loud I could not get to the remote control quick enough to turn it down from 35 to 10 on the volume control. He had obviously had it that loud before the hearing aids arrived and not adjusted it back.
When I turned it down he said

 'Oh I didn't know you could adjust them from there.'

The Bed Linen

A few of my calls as a care worker involve housework visits which involve anything from shopping to general housework duties. One chap I visit called Jack who is quite a petite gentle man, who I will usually find sitting quietly in his armchair staring at the walls. He has dementia but is generally ok providing his routine isn't disrupted; then you will see him pacing back and forth worrying over the smallest of things. One particular thing that sets him off and gets him very agitated is when I change his bed linen.
'Leave it 'til next week' he will say, 'I  don't want my daughter to be washing every week'
So as a compromise I started doing it every other week, even though this was still too often in his opinion.







After a month or so I got call from the office saying that his daughter had phoned to complain that I was not doing the sheets every week. I see this lady quite often and get on quite well with her, so next time we met I apologised and explained the reason why.

'I see what you are saying' she said 'but I still would like it done every week if possible.'
Then a thought struck me, 'How about if you buy two identical duvet sets and while he is in the shower I will quickly change them and put them in the laundry basket. As you do the washing anyway you can pick it up on the way out and he need never know'
'That is brilliant' she said 'I'll get some today'

So our plan was put into action with two new two tone blue duvet sets; all was going well until after a couple of months I walked in to find Jack pacing up and down.
'Are you ok Jack?'
'No! I am a bit annoyed with you!'
'Oh why is that?' I asked
'Well I have been thinking and I know I told you not to do the bed sheets every week, but I reckon you haven't done them for about 8 weeks. I have looked in the record of care book and you have been writing down that you do them every week!!!!!'

The waiting game

If you ever visit anyone in a care home the entry system involves punching in the number of the  person you are visiting and waiting while it rings for about 2 minutes before cancelling.







Whilst outside one of the care homes on a cold December morning waiting for a lady to answer the door, a gentleman walks up behind me.

'Hello' I said, 'If you like I can cancel ringing my people take an age to answer.'
'It's alright' he replied Mine does too, she's as deaf as a post'
So we stand there and eventually the ringing stops.
'How about if we take it in turns,' I suggest 'If you ring your person now and which ever one answers first means at least we can both get in the main door at the same time.'
So he punches in his number and we wait.

'It really is a nightmare getting them to the door' he says. ' they are usually asleep'
'I know the feeling, I have stood here for about ten minutes trying to get in before now'  I answered, conscious that this was turning into a competition as to who had the worst time trying to get in.
His number stopped ringing, so I punched in my number again.
'It's really quite frustrating as I am a care worker and have other calls to make'
'Yes, I have come by bus and want to get back by lunch time'

Again the ringing stops and my brother in arms takes his turn at trying to get in.
'Hello' comes a familiar voice through the speaker system
'Hello It's John' says the man.
Oh! come in John' and the door eventually opens
'Who are you visiting?' I ask.
'The Buntings'
'So am I.'

Point proven

Norman is a quiet little man who does not have much to say; I have often thought that this is because despite wearing aids, his hearing is quite bad. When I entered the house for the first time the house I could hear the television blasting out at full volume, so suggested putting subtitles on for him; I am not sure it really helped as it was still as loud the next day which makes it even harder to communicate with him because you are always competing with the telly. I spend most of my time shouting my self hoarse or writing notes. Despite all this he seems to understand what is going on around him and seems quite capable.

Just recently his daughter paid a visit and was concerned that he was becoming less able to look after himself. Despite her best efforts Norman flatly refused to consider going into a Care home. The daughter even visited our office to try and get him certified as incapable and my opinion was asked for. I expressed my feeling that there was nothing wrong with him, apart from the hearing issue which was isolating him from the world.

'But what about the fact he does not wear his care line pendant alarm!' She remonstrated
'They all do that now and again, it does not mean that they are losing their marbles' I replied
'He never seems to understand what has been said'
'As I have said, I think that a lot of the problem is hearing related'

No more was said, but the daughter still concerned about the pendant alarm, printed off a note saying  'Have you got your care line on!' and put it on his lounge door so that he could see it as he came out of his bedroom

The next day underneath the note written in a slightly shaky hand were the words 'OF COURSE'

point made I think

the simple things

Whilst preparing breakfast for one of my elderly ladies she commented
 'I don't know why my daughter always leaves porridge out, I don't even like the stuff; What's wrong with a simple boiled egg for goodness sake?'





As I was visiting her the following day, I made a point of taking a couple of eggs with me. Having got her dressed and without saying a word I took her into the lounge where her breakfast was waiting. I had made a point on presentation, cutting up the bead into soldiers and laying them into a neat circle around the eggs.

'Oh that's lovely my dear' What a lovely surprise, do you know my dear husband used to always serve eggs just like that on Sundays. You have made my day and brought back many happy memories'

It's nice to be back

I recently had a weeks holiday; there is nothing like a break to refresh your energy. However, in my job the return to work can be equally refreshing and if honest can massage my ego quite a bit. Everywhere I go, I am continually welcomed with comments like It's good to have you back' and 'We have missed your smiling face'. One lady even cancelled the calls whilst I was away because her special needs son wouldn't have anyone else but me.
Although all the remarks are lovely there was one reaction I was not expecting.
I visit a few ladies in residential homes and consequently speak to other people in passing. Pauline always has visitors from elsewhere in the home so I invariable end up making cups of tea for them as well as for Pauline.  One of these visitors is a 'special needs' lady called Andrea,  Despite seeing her on and off for the past year, she is always a bit stand offish and seems to flinch with any physical contact; even something as innocent as a touch of the hand. I always make a point of including her in conversation and often make her laugh with my child like humour.

Shortly after my holiday I was sitting with Pauline and about to leave when 
Andrea happened to walk in.

'Hello Ian you're back from holiday then' she said with a beaming smile
'Yes, Andrea how are you?' I asked
'I am fine thank you. I have missed you'

Then the unexpected happened, she came running over and gave me a hug and a kiss!

This simple act had a tear welling in my eye as I left the room

A spade is a spade

As a carer I have noticed that the elderly almost go back to childhood see blog http://thelightersideofcarework.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/be-careful-what-you-wish-for.html

A recent addition to this blog is that they say things as they are, much like a young child would.

For example, I have recently had a very nice man shadowing me called John.  He had finished his induction course and was following me round as the final part of his training. Like me, it is a complete career change for him and he was understandably a bit apprehensive about how he would get on. He was doing really well especially when he got to one call and he asked the lady if she would like a cup of tea.
'Oh Yes please' came the immediate reply
''You never have a cup of tea when I offer' I jested with her
'Well I never fancy one normally'
And out of the corner of my eye I caught her mouthing to John 'I don't like his tea'

So now the new carer is feeling good about himself, I made a point of saying 'Well at least she'll have a drink when you arrive'. whilst making a mental note of how he made her tea should I get a chance to make her one again.  John seemed ideally suited to the job if a little timid, so I made a lot of effort to encourage and alleviate some of his apprehensions.
By the end of the evening round I could see he was starting to relax and settle into the role, all my ladies and gents seemed to take to him and I was pleased that there may be another male carer joining our team who had similar views to me about  Care work.

The last call of the evening was to an elderly lady called Miriam who has her ups and downs with her moods. I did warn John beforehand, but was relieved to find Miriam in good spirits as we entered.

'Hello Miriam' I said as we walked in 'You have another man to look after you tonight'
'Oh lovely' she replied
'Would you like a cup of tea' said John, warming to his task
'Yes please'
So off he went into the kitchen which is within earshot of the lounge where  Miriam and I were sitting.
'Do you have milk and sugar?'  he calls through
'Milk. no sugar please'
Then Miriam turns to me
'Is he new then?'
'Yes, he's shadowing me tonight and will be out working on his own next week'
'How's he getting on?'
'Really well, I think he will make a good carer' I replied, aware that John was probably listening in from the kitchen
'He's not as good as you!!' came the blunt reply

Thanks Miriam that was all my ego boosting throughout the evening wiped  out in six words

The dilemma

James suffers from dementia; he is a busy little man who is always on the go, in fact he never sits down.
Just recently he had a fall and I called an ambulance to have him checked out. Having come back from hospital I was surprised to find that he had no medication, and when I asked he told me they had not given him any. He was obviously had a lot of pain in his back and could not even get out of the chair.
As the week passed by he was getting worse, so the son started giving him Paracetamol to ease the pain and after a week we called the doctor out again, asking why he had not been prescribed any drugs. It turned out that James had torn up the prescription because he wasn't going to poison his body.
So now we have some stronger pain killers and he is on the mend.


Or is he?

 Whilst he was not on medication he stayed put in his chair, resting; but now he is on medication he feels better and is on the move again. Because of his dementia he does not understand that the medication is improving his injury, and he still needs to rest. The pain goes away and he forgets he has any injury all together.

So I go round one day and find him vacuuming the floor and enter the next day to find him lying on the settee in agony

Part of me thinks
he may have got better quicker without the tablets

patience is a virtue

Weekends can be the most demanding and stressful time for carers; As we all have every other weekend off,  those of us  that are working are trying to fit in two rounds as best we can. So let me set the scene, I got up at 5.30 am to make my first call at 6am; I then work until 1.30pm and have an hour and a half break before starting again at 3pm. As the evening goes on I am gradually running behind for various reasons and I finally get to Lorna at 7pm knowing I still have another four calls to make before I can finally put my feet up.



Now Lorna is a fastidious lady who will always take the full amount of time allocated, even when she says she will hurry the minutes seem to disappear, but Heigh ho! that is just one of those things.
As I enter I make a point of saying I am sorry for being late and that I am in a bit of a hurry because I still have lots of people to see.
'Okay' she says 'let's make it quick'
Everything is going well until I start to help her undress. As she takes off her top I start to fold it up.
'Not like that' she says 'Let me do it'
Now I know I am in trouble,  this simple task will take forever as she meticulously folds the top like a complicated piece of origami; So I go to find something to fill the time; Scurrying off to the kitchen I make a sandwich for her supper and come back just as she is finishing.
On to her thermal vest, which she also insists on folding, so off  I go again, this time I prepare her bed, puffing up the pillows & duvet and pulling back the sheets.
'How are we doing?' I enquire through gritted teeth from the bedroom.
'Nearly done' came the reply. So in my ever increasing frustration to get finished, I quickly fill in my record of care notes before returning to her side,  She looks up, smiles and hands me the neatly folded items of clothing from her lap.

'Actually you might as well put them in the laundry basket, they'll need washing!'

I finally got home at 9.30pm

When Carers can be a hindrance

Dennis is a quiet, almost reclusive chap who lives on his own and suffers with dementia. Of late he has gotten worse due to circumstances that have upset his daily routine. Invariably I walk in to find him just sitting there staring at the walls in silence, waiting for the warden or me to make our daily calls. Conversation can be quite hard, he often gives one word answers, not because he is being rude but because he can't think of any way to elaborate. As a consequence, I know that a lot of carers go in, do their tasks and leave.





Just recently I asked him why he does not go out more, and was surprised to hear that he was in fact sitting in waiting for the warden and me to arrive.

'It's rude to go out when you know someone is coming to visit'

So in fact along with his meals on wheels, our visits had become his life. He was even sitting in waiting for the 'check' call over the tannoy system

This was obviously unacceptable, so I suggested to Dennis that he at least go to  'The Coffee Morning'* on Wednesdays and I will make my visit later on that day.

The following Wednesday I arrived just after he had got home and the difference in him was remarkable; He was smiling, talkative and more alive than I have ever known since visiting him.

It's an interesting thought that Carers are supposed to improve quality of life, but in this case we had become a hindrance.

Since that day I have spoken to the family and suggested  '**Singing for the brain', which he now attends on Thursdays.


* Quote from a lady 'why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
** http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=760

when size does matter.

Maud is a lovely lady who always makes me smile. She is very particular, as she puts it, whereas all the carers would say she suffers from OCD.  Today I was asked to go in to do her housework and get some shopping. We started with the bed.

'Can you pull the pillows  away so that they don't touch my headboard. If you line them up with the edge of the cupboard that will be perfect. Oh Dear you have put the sheet the wrong way round. Pull the sheet a bit further up, No not quite that far!

As I know her quite well now, I will point out at this point that we do seem to be back to where we started, to which she will giggle and then proceed with the next instruction

'Can you do hospital corners? came the final remark

'No! I am afraid not Maud, You'll have to show me how' I replied

'Well tuck the back in first and pull the corner away.'

'Ok'

'Now fold it across'

'OK'

'No! Not that way'

'Ok how about this way'

'No'

'I am sorry Maud there are only two ways I can go'

'Oh yeah!' she giggles again 'Oh well that'll have to do'

I explain all this so that you get a picture of what I am dealing with, but honestly she is quite likable and I really enjoy her company, especially as she laughs at all my jokes.

So onto the shopping; She hands me a list with everything neatly written out. Brand name,  size of container with an alternative if required.
To make sure there is no confusion we go through the list  and half way down the she comes to Vanish stain remover.

'Now you know what I mean Dear, the one that is a powder to go in the washing machine.

'Oh yes I know the one'

'I would like the smallest one they do but I am not quite sure on the actual size'

'OK'

I have given you £16, it should be enough'

Off I go to Tesco's and everything is going well, I have a few issues with some things but I am quite confident that it will be fine. Then I walk down the washing aisle to find the Vanish, and as I go to pick it up I notice that the smallest one, 750g is £6.90 but the 1kg is only £5.01.
Well obviously I picked up the cheaper one, whilst smiling to myself that she had not given me £16 by accident and she will be pleasantly surprised when I give her an extra £2 back

'Hello Maud I'm back'

'Did you get everything?'

'Yes and I saved you some money!'

'Oh good, how was that?'

I explained about the price difference.

'Oh Dear' came the reply with a look of concern on her face.

'Why?What's the problem?'

Maud leant forward and opened the cupboard door under the sink. There were all her cleaning bottles neatly lined up in height order with each one carefully turned so you could read the label; and right at the end was a gap.

'Well the reason I wanted the small one, is because it fits exactly into this spot under the cupboard.

PS. Since this blog was posted originally I have learned how to do hospital corners

good hygiene

George is an elderly man who although he can walk it can sometimes prove to be a bit of an effort.

I walked in to find him sitting at the dining table eating his lunch and as I went to give him his tablets, I noticed he had sterile gloves on his  hands






'Why are you wearing those gloves?' I enquired

'Well nobody gave me any gloves when I had my catheter fitted, so I bought my own for when I empty the urine from the bag down the toilet.'

I cringed slightly as I asked why he was eating his lunch with them on?'

'Well I forgot to put them on before I emptied my catheter bag and when I sat down to eat I realised I had not washed my hands afterwards; As the gloves were on the table, I put them on on to save me having to get up again.'

Of course silly me. Quite logical really

golf highlights

Whilst discussing the football on the telly with one of my ladies today, we moved on to sport in general.  I mentioned that the British Open golf was starting this week and that I had recorded the Scottish Open Golf highlights to watch tonight.



'Oh I think watched that last night,' she said 'Was that the one which Michelson won?'

'I don't know I haven't watched it yet'

'Oops sorry,' she said with a smile ' Still it was very exciting, it went to a play off '


That was my evening's entertainment scuppered then

The Little Pink Pill

Dementia can manifest itself in many ways; there is the obvious one where people can’t remember what they did yesterday; then the ones who revert back to a happy place in their past; some people get panic stricken when confronted with anything new and then there are those who get fixated on the smallest of things and won‘t let them go.
Jean is one of those ladies. She is a sweet lady who lives all on her own in a large house in a remote village’ The only company she gets is from the carers and Meals on wheels, consequently she sits and watches the clock from one visit to the next; because of this it is often very difficult to leave at the end of the call, She will always try to find something to keep you there another five minutes and plead with you to stay.

As a rule, I have gentleman I visit before her that doesn’t really need much care other than to make a sandwich with a cup of tea and definitely does not want to be bothered with any idle chit chat, in fact he barely acknowledges your presence, so I usually finish with him early and spend a bit more time with Jean.

Jean’s fixation is her pills; from the moment I arrive I am harassed about her tablets and she physically shakes as she tells me that she needs them because they stop her shaking. She is right though because within a few seconds of taking the said tablets, the shaking stops; all psychological of course.
However that is not the end of the matter, from then on I get asked ‘ Have I taken my pills? Where are my night pills? What time is someone coming into do my morning pills? This will carry on throughout the thirty to forty minute call. The odd thing is her memory is not bad at all, she can talk about any subject you choose with absolute clarity, knows what happened yesterday and recalls telephone numbers for old friends without looking them up.

Recently I got a call from one of her other carers warning me that there is an extra pill to give Jean from now on, morning and night. So the next evening I enter jean's house and am immediately told about the little pink pill.

‘It’s alright Jean I know’

‘Oh good’

I put the pills in front of her and watch her swallow them with her jelly’

‘How many pills are in here?’

‘Three’

‘Including the little pink pill?’

‘Yes Jean’

‘Oh Good’

Five minutes later

‘Have I taken my pills?’

‘Yes Jean’

‘And the little pink one?’

‘Yes Jean’

‘What about in the morning?’

‘All the carers know about the new medication’

‘Oh Good’

Five minutes later

‘Did I take the little pink pill?’

‘Yes Jean’

And so on…….

After about the fourth time of going through this routine I ask

‘What is the little pink pill for anyway Jean?’

‘It’s supposed to stop me worrying’

‘I don’t think it’s working, do you Jean?’

‘No! I don’t think it is Dear’

 

 

Sour Milk

Katie greeted me with her usual smile this morning.  'The milk has gone sour. I don’t know why it has gone sour, I’m sure.’

‘Oh dear! Shall I pop up the road and get some more’

‘Oh that will be nice dear, Thank you’

Fortunately the shops were only round the corner so I hopped in the car and returned five minutes later with the milk. As I looked in the fridge I noticed a large four pint container.

‘I go back in and tell Katie this and she replies. ‘No I meant the milk in the jug that my daughter fills up for me’

‘Oh well never mind, I’ll take the milk home we can always use it up. Where do you keep your tea?

‘Oh I forgot to say, I have run out of tea as well’



Incidentally this jug of milk was key to another problem I had with Katie. On odd occasions she would have an upset stomach, often blaming it on her meals on wheels.
On one occasion I found her finishing her cereal off as I arrived, so I asked if she would like a cup of tea to wash it down.
‘Yes please’ came the usual reply.
The jug of milk she had used for her breakfast was sitting on the side, so I poured some into the cup. It was off and came out with the consistency of yoghurt. I guess she puts so much sugar on her cereal that she could not taste it.

Since then I have asked the evening carers to throw any milk left in the jug away before they leave at night.
No more tummy upsets.

Wrong number

Deidre always finds me something to sort out when I arrive at her house. I have shown her how to use her microwave oven because fish and chips seven days a week is not a particularly good diet; I have put a curtain back up; sorted out an extractor fan and brought some ‘Vanish' over to get rid of a carpet stain; but above all of these, the thing that needs sorting most of all is the television. About twice a week she has pressed a button and lost the picture, then greets me with ‘This television is no good, I’ll have to get a new one’ (It is brand new by the way)

One of the things she regularly does is to simply turn it off from the remote and because of this I wrote down a few simple instructions for her to follow.

So today, I enter her house and ask ‘How are you today?'
‘Not good, my telly’s broken again’ she retorts ‘it hasn’t worked since you left it yesterday.'
‘Really?’ Did you follow the instructions I wrote out for you?’
‘Yes. You watch’ she said as she picked up her telephone. ‘I am pressing the green button and then pressing 800’

Heaven only knows who she was ringing.