patience is a virtue

Weekends can be the most demanding and stressful time for carers; As we all have every other weekend off,  those of us  that are working are trying to fit in two rounds as best we can. So let me set the scene, I got up at 5.30 am to make my first call at 6am; I then work until 1.30pm and have an hour and a half break before starting again at 3pm. As the evening goes on I am gradually running behind for various reasons and I finally get to Lorna at 7pm knowing I still have another four calls to make before I can finally put my feet up.



Now Lorna is a fastidious lady who will always take the full amount of time allocated, even when she says she will hurry the minutes seem to disappear, but Heigh ho! that is just one of those things.
As I enter I make a point of saying I am sorry for being late and that I am in a bit of a hurry because I still have lots of people to see.
'Okay' she says 'let's make it quick'
Everything is going well until I start to help her undress. As she takes off her top I start to fold it up.
'Not like that' she says 'Let me do it'
Now I know I am in trouble,  this simple task will take forever as she meticulously folds the top like a complicated piece of origami; So I go to find something to fill the time; Scurrying off to the kitchen I make a sandwich for her supper and come back just as she is finishing.
On to her thermal vest, which she also insists on folding, so off  I go again, this time I prepare her bed, puffing up the pillows & duvet and pulling back the sheets.
'How are we doing?' I enquire through gritted teeth from the bedroom.
'Nearly done' came the reply. So in my ever increasing frustration to get finished, I quickly fill in my record of care notes before returning to her side,  She looks up, smiles and hands me the neatly folded items of clothing from her lap.

'Actually you might as well put them in the laundry basket, they'll need washing!'

I finally got home at 9.30pm

when size does matter.

Maud is a lovely lady who always makes me smile. She is very particular, as she puts it, whereas all the carers would say she suffers from OCD.  Today I was asked to go in to do her housework and get some shopping. We started with the bed.

'Can you pull the pillows  away so that they don't touch my headboard. If you line them up with the edge of the cupboard that will be perfect. Oh Dear you have put the sheet the wrong way round. Pull the sheet a bit further up, No not quite that far!

As I know her quite well now, I will point out at this point that we do seem to be back to where we started, to which she will giggle and then proceed with the next instruction

'Can you do hospital corners? came the final remark

'No! I am afraid not Maud, You'll have to show me how' I replied

'Well tuck the back in first and pull the corner away.'

'Ok'

'Now fold it across'

'OK'

'No! Not that way'

'Ok how about this way'

'No'

'I am sorry Maud there are only two ways I can go'

'Oh yeah!' she giggles again 'Oh well that'll have to do'

I explain all this so that you get a picture of what I am dealing with, but honestly she is quite likable and I really enjoy her company, especially as she laughs at all my jokes.

So onto the shopping; She hands me a list with everything neatly written out. Brand name,  size of container with an alternative if required.
To make sure there is no confusion we go through the list  and half way down the she comes to Vanish stain remover.

'Now you know what I mean Dear, the one that is a powder to go in the washing machine.

'Oh yes I know the one'

'I would like the smallest one they do but I am not quite sure on the actual size'

'OK'

I have given you £16, it should be enough'

Off I go to Tesco's and everything is going well, I have a few issues with some things but I am quite confident that it will be fine. Then I walk down the washing aisle to find the Vanish, and as I go to pick it up I notice that the smallest one, 750g is £6.90 but the 1kg is only £5.01.
Well obviously I picked up the cheaper one, whilst smiling to myself that she had not given me £16 by accident and she will be pleasantly surprised when I give her an extra £2 back

'Hello Maud I'm back'

'Did you get everything?'

'Yes and I saved you some money!'

'Oh good, how was that?'

I explained about the price difference.

'Oh Dear' came the reply with a look of concern on her face.

'Why?What's the problem?'

Maud leant forward and opened the cupboard door under the sink. There were all her cleaning bottles neatly lined up in height order with each one carefully turned so you could read the label; and right at the end was a gap.

'Well the reason I wanted the small one, is because it fits exactly into this spot under the cupboard.

PS. Since this blog was posted originally I have learned how to do hospital corners

the love triangle

There maybe romance blossoming at one of the care homes. The trouble is that we have a love triangle developing......

Or maybe not......

Pat was sitting in the garden talking to me, when a lady who I had never met before came over and whispered to Pat that she should keep her hands off of her Jack.
Now Jack is a quiet, amiable, unassuming sort of chap, who you will often find in the communal garden chatting to Pat . There is nothing in it, they just enjoy each other's company; Nothing more, nothing less.


So back to the story;

'Keep your hands off of my Jack, I was here first' admonishes the mystery lady.
What! says Pat. 'I don't want him. What do I want with a man in my life at my age? Nothing but trouble I've had enough of that malarkey. You can bloody well have him!

Good for her you might say, but did she really have to say all that when Jack was standing sheepishly next to her.

The thief in the night

I am sorry to admit that there is a thief in our town. It was one of those days that starts off quiet and then bam a crime has been committed; not just in one care home but in two. SOMEBODY HAS BEEN STEALING THE TEA! This may seem trivial to you and I, but to the residents it is a major incident, and to top it all, in one care home someone has also been stealing the biscuits. Both crimes have unfortunately resulted in the communal kitchen being locked up at night. Both crimes have caused a lot of speculation and accusation in the corridors



Not least with one lady that I visit called Sybil who is most distressed, because this means that her and John can’t have their early morning cuppa and chat in the lobby.
Every morning for at least two weeks she greeted me with ‘Do you know? Someone has stolen our tea. Bloody disgraceful! I would’ve given ‘em the money to buy some if they were they were that hard up.’
And every morning I pretended that I hadn’t heard about this awful deed, hoping that my face would express disgust at all the relevant moments of the saga.

Then one day she found out who it was (or at least suspected who it was) Now our Sybil is not one to let things go, and each time we passed the said suspects door, she would shout, yes SHOUT. ‘Do you know someone’s been stealing our teabags Bloody disgraceful......etc.
Not content with this, we happened to be passing the unfortunate woman in the hallway this morning; Sybil immediately starts to indicate with a not so discreet nod of the head. ‘Do you know I have to take my own teabags down with me first thing in the morning because someone’s......
(pause for dramatic effect and another nod in the direction of our suspect)
been stealing our teabags……........

……Bloody tea leaves that’s what they are!’

or were!  So a tea leaf has been stealing the tea leaves, I couldn’t help but smile.

For our american cousins tealeaf is cockney rhyming slang for thief

New Technology

Interestingly, we often go on about how the youth of today don't know about things like vinyl records etc.

I went to see an elderly chap today who was excitedly telling me that he went to buy the new Bond movie 'Skyfall' for his son, and was astonished that he could only buy it in a disc format (not tape).

I had to bite my tongue when he said 'Do you know they can get a whole film onto one disc nowadays? It's amazing!' and then after a few seconds he asked 'Will it play on my Cd player?'

'I'm afraid not'

 'Oh well never mind I am sure my son will be able to play it, he has all these new fangled gadgets'