Tuppence a bag

Just recently I have been asked to start doing some activities on other units in our care home, so as making bird feeders proved to be successful in my unit, I thought I would try it elsewhere. This involved mixing seed and nuts with lard and putting them into a paper cup, before hanging them up outside the window. 

As is often the case, one lady did not want to make them but I could feel her eyes burning into the back of my neck as I moved round the lounge helping others to do so. I do not mind this, as it is obviously engaging the person and draws them into conversation; At least they are not just staring blankly at the television. Every now and again she would chip in with. 'Aren't they lovely' or 'they'll look great'

Fortunately in this unit there was already a feeding station outside the window but judging by the quality of the mouldy seed, it hadn't had any visitors for a while, so I cleaned the feeders, added some sunflower hearts and hung our collection of home made fat balls alongside.

As I came back to the unit to collect my seed etc. the lady concerned stopped me to complain that she couldn't see the feeders from where she sits, so I went back outside and moved it across; when I went back in another gentleman said that he now couldn't see it from his chair. By this time it had started raining and I'm standing outside, while each resident moves me backwards and forwards and side to side like an episode of 'The Golden Shot' with gestures to imply that  I should go left a bit, right a bit, back a bit, STOP! By the time they had finished I was drenched, but at least they all now had a view of their new point of interest.

I thought nothing more of the bird station until about a week later, when the lady, who had been watching me make the feeders, appeared in my unit to tell me how the birds had come.

'and all their little yellow bottoms are poking up in the air.' She delightedly told me.

'Oh! That's great' I said

'Yes and we even have a squirrel who hangs upside down too, trying to get at the seed'

From that day on, I always made a point to make sure the feeders were topped up with seed, which would often be greeted with a wave from the lady when I finished.

All was well until the lady concerned, grabbed me on my travels to ask why their bird feeder had been taken down?

'Really? I can't think why?' I said

'Well, I saw the man do it, and I was shouting at him to put it back but he wouldn't listen!' she angrily exclaimed 'The poor birds have nothing to eat'

A quick look out of the window and I realised it had been dismantled when the gardener had mowed the lawn and he had not put it back afterwards.

'It's alright I can see the problem, I'll go and put it back now' I told her

Thank you dear; have a biscuit'

'Thank you, I don't mind if I do, I'm rather partial to the custard creams.'
'Not for you. FOR THE BIRDS!'

mistaken identity

Just recently we have had quite a few new people to look after. Most of them I only see once in a blue moon because I have my own regular ladies and gents to look after.
Yesterday my senior care worker rang up to ask if I could take on a few extra calls as someone had gone off sick. As she rattled off the names I visualised my route until the last one which was a lady called Janine.
'Janine?' I asked as I couldn't place the name
'Yes, you know the lady; never normally wants much so we sit and chat for ten minutes'
'Oh yes I know her' I replied cursing under my breath, as the lady lives on the other side of town to the others.
Having finished the first two calls, I made the fifteen minute journey across town muttering under my breath that there must have been another carer who was nearer to do the visit.
I enter the house to find the lady in her kitchen
'Hello I haven't seen you for a while' she said
'Hello Janine, How are you today/' I replied,
'Not too bad, I am a bit cold though.'
'Is the heating on'
'Oh expect my husband forgot this morning as he was in a hurry'
'Oh okay, I'll put it on then shall I'  whilst moving across to the thermostat. 'Have you had breakfast'
'No, not yet'
I dutifully make her breakfast with warm milk and check she has taken her meds before looking for the record of care book. It was not in it's usual place. so I asked Janine where it was.
'I am not sure, it might be in the book case'
'Nope that's the people who do your housework'
'I don't know then
I spent about five minutes looking for the book and eventually gave up, deciding to leave a note for her husband on a scrap piece of paper. On the kitchen table was a note pad and as I picked it up I noticed someone had written 'Care cancelled from the 12th'
Today was the 17th.
'Your name is Janine isn't it'
'No Jean'
'Sorry, I am not supposed to be here'
'Oh well never mind dear, It was nice to see you'
A quick call to my senior and I established that Janine lived five minutes away from where I was about half an hour previously.

snippets of conversation

Discussion with one of my ladies when I was running late

'I have got to go' I apologised 'because I have got to get to my next gentleman out of bed'

'You don't have to wash him as well, do you?'

'yes'

'Even his, you know.......(hushed voice) .... willy'

(hushed voice) 'Yes'

'Yuk! The thought of it makes me feel sick. I couldn't do it! especially if a little bit of.... you know.... dribble came out'

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Another lady at meal time

'There you go M'dear, a nice ham sandwich for your supper'

'Thank you,  let me take my teeth out so I can eat it'

This turned out to be a bit more serious as her denture hurt when she ate, so I spoke to the family about a trip to the dentist

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Whilst I was showering one of my ladies and was about to clean her nether regions,  she innocently asked...... 

'Can you check to see if my pussy is OK.'
She was of course talking about her cat.
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 Quote from a lady at a care home social event
 'Why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
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Random comment from a lady who feels the need to share this sort of information on a regular basis
'I finally went to the toilet today. You won't believe how messy it was' 'It was the messiest poo ever and took me ages to clean up.' etc...........
As if I would really want to know
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Whilst chatting to a lady who had recently had a fall and needed more care than normal, I suggested that I could help her in the shower
'My God No! I am not letting you anywhere near my Minnie mouse'
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A Lady looking up at some old bibles on the top shelf of her library
'Do you Know?  When I was able to get about more , I used to dust those bibles religiously every week
==========================================================================
'Do you know Harry Rednapp picks the players for all the teams'
'What every football team?'
'Oh Yes!'
'So he must know who is going to win'
'Ah! with a wink 'Now you are cottoning on.'
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talking to one of my ladies tonight who said 'I had Spicy bean burger in BHS today, My friend thought it was really spicy, I thought it was quite bland'.
I replied that's a shame, I made a sausage casserole tonight which had leeks, garlic, carrot, baked beans, turmeric and curry powder in it, you probably would have liked that instead.
'Oh no, not for me thanks, I don't like spicy food!'
'But you said the bean burger wasn't spicy enough for you'
'That's right, I think it must just be different recipes, some are and some aren't'
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Quote from my 100 year old lady today 'You know what dear, I think I am getting old.'
Second quote from her
'Do you know, I went out today and whilst sitting in the square looking at all the people, I came to the conclusion I'm wearing the wrong clothes'
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Had to smile today. My ears are blocked up with wax so I can't hear very well. So as I entered each house call I apologised for the fact that I might be a bit deaf today, and without exception they all said 'Pardon!'
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Elderly gentleman with dementia who has been going round on a loop asking and saying the same thing for about an hour, approaches another resident in our care home who has all her faculties.
'I didn't come in here to die'
'Didn't you Duck? What did you come for then?'

hallucinations

I was visiting Jean, my lonely lady who lives alone in a remote village. If you remember she is the one who always looks for any excuse to keep you longer than necessary and spends her day watching the clock for when the next carer arrives. In recent months I have been doing her late call and have spent a bit of time each evening talking about her past. She has some lovely stories about her escapades during the war.




Tonight I noticed a piece of cotton wool taped to her arm and asked what it was
'I have had a blood test because the doctor thought I had a urine infection but wants to check out some other avenues' she replied candidly
'So it's not a urine infection then' I enquired.
'No, bloody doctors blame everything on urine infections' she retorted
'Well it can be quite nasty,'I explained 'I've had lots of ladies and gents who have had them and they can cause hallucinations.'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, most of them believe they can see people in the corners of the room and they start talking to them'
'I talk to my departed husband every morning; I tell him he has to go before you lot arrive'
'That's different, lots of people do that. In these cases they hear them talking and even hold conversations. They really believe the person is in the room.'
'Oh really! Just from something as simple as a urine infection?'
'Yes!'
'Incredible! she chuckled 'How do I go about getting one of these urine infections? I could do with some company'

Not every one is the same

It struck me today how much I have to change my behaviour according to the different situations and people I am visiting. You can't teach this skill as it is something you either do naturally or have to learn as you gain experience.

One of my ladies for example, loves to listen to me singing when I do my chores (must be tone deaf) but occasionally when she has had a bad night she wants silence. I have learnt over time to assess her mood before I make too much noise.There are some ladies and Gents who like a laugh and joke and others who just want you to go in, do your job and disappear; Some want to know all the gossip and others barely say a word; Some of my ladies like a cuddle when they are feeling a bit low; Nearly all appreciate a kiss on the forehead to say goodnight, whereas there are a few who definitely 'DON'T!'

Subject matter has to be considered too, I avoid politics and religion at all costs. You have to tune into people's sense of humour as well, I remember one occasion when I got it totally wrong;  I am always looking for little bits of humour or news to share as I do my visits, so when I saw a clip on 'You Tube' with two men doing a clever routine in the nude with a small towel to cover their decency, I thought I had found  a little gem. I went from call to call demonstrating the scene using tea towels, keeping my clothes on of course. Everyone found it hilarious, especially as I was deliberately being rubbish at it and kept dropping the towel on the floor.

'I think you had better keep you clothes on for now Dear!'
'Perhaps a bit more practise is in order'
'I don't think it's ready for the stage yet Luv'

 As I left each house I could hear chuckles and guffaws echoing in my ears and I was feeling pleased with my day's work. Apart from one gentleman who stopped me in mid flow and told me that it was ridiculously crude and not funny at all. What's more he barely spoke to me properly for two days despite my apologies. I stick to talking about  the routes I take on my bike rides now.

On the other side of the coin there is Sandra, a lady brought up in the East End of London who loves a bit of smutty humour. I clearly have to be careful what I say as I have a professional image to uphold but the other day she was looking at her bird feeders and I told her a story about the ones in my garden.....

I had bought some suet balls and a feeder for the feeding station and watched with anticipation for any sign of activity. After about two weeks I had given up hope and mentioned this to my wife, who said we have to be patient as the birds need to get used to them being there. The knowledgeable remark of an avid 'Springwatch' viewer
Another week went by and whilst at work I received a text from my wife which read like this: -
'Great tits on your fat balls' to which I replied  'Yes darling, but are there any birds on our feeders yet?'

 When I hit the punch line Sandra laughed like a drain for about five minutes.

look on the bright side

I have the privilege of looking after a Centurion. She is a lovely lady who makes me smile with her no nonsense approach to life. We have some lovely conversations about her life as a child. One such story was how she regretted never learning to ride a bike. This was because her Father thought it inappropriate for girls to be riding bikes







Recently she has been under the weather and feeling a bit fed up with herself.
'It's terrible being old and living on your own' she said after the niceties had passed
'Yes, I can see that' I sympathised
'You don't see anyone from one day to the next, hardly anyone visits. Still what can you do? Read a newspaper; read a book, look out of the window;  I'm not one for watching television, so with these dark nights you end up going to bed at seven. It's no life you know' she continued
'I know, it must be lonely for you'
'Never mind dear' she said, bucking herself up ' It could be worse'
'How do you mean?' 
After a moments thought she smiled and said  'No bed!'

Did I make you jump?

Maud is a lovely lady who is very hard of hearing. I will often make her jump when I arrive because the TV is on full blast and she has not realised that I have arrived. I spend most of my time communicating through sign language; be it pointing at things, a thumbs up or a simple T sign for a cup of tea. When I give her food I always show her the packaging to give her a choice and will stand in front of her with the plate of food to indicate it is time to sit at the table and eat. It was on one such occasion that she seemed a bit doddery walking with her frame to the table, so as she sat down  I placed my hand on her back. As with a lot of these situations it is very tight for space, making it awkward to help without being a hindrance. She immediately jumped in the air and nearly fell over. I quickly grabbed her and was obviously concerned that I had made her jump or worse still I had hurt her in some way. 
'I am sorry are you OK? Did I tread on your toes?' I shouted
'No I am just very ticklish' she giggled


As I look back it strikes me that it could be a turning point in our relationship as carer and patient ,because it seemed to break the barrier of her hearing problem and we chuckled for some time after as she ate her dinner

the new hearing aids

Derek is one of these men who is lucky enough or unlucky enough in his opinion to reach 100 years of age. He can still walk and can read a book in a day. Of late his hearing has deteriorated and this became the regular topic of conversation. Firstly because the nurses do not do home visits to syringe any more so he had to go to the surgery to have it done. Then his hearing was not much better so he invested a lot of money in custom hearing aids. On the first day after they had arrived I found him fiddling around trying to get them in his ear.
'They will have to go back they do not fit' he remonstrated
'Shall I try?' I offered
This is not as straight forward as might seem. There is obviously a left and right hearing aid and unlike the national health ones they are not so easy to differentiate. Also, because they fit snuggly in each ear they are quite tricky to fit. I eventually worked out there is blue and red writing to indicate left and right and life was ok.

Two days later.
'These hearing aids aren't working again'
'Have the batteries run out'
'What in two days, I can't afford to change them that often'
It was the batteries but you are supposed to slightly remove them at night to save the charge. Another problem solved, and everything seemed alright apart from the fact that he would regularly take them out during the day and then complain they were not working when he had not quite put them back in properly' Almost every time I went in I was greeted with
'These hearing aids don't work they will have to go back.'
Two weeks go by and the hearing aid saga is beginning to settle down until, I walk and find him really despondent.
'What's the problem?'
'These hearing aids, I have spent a lot of money on them and now I think they are too loud, I think I will have to go back and get them reset'
'Am I too loud?'
'No you are alright but it's when I watch television'
'Shall we try them out now'
'OK but it's no good'

I turned the TV on and the volume was through the roof; it was so loud I could not get to the remote control quick enough to turn it down from 35 to 10 on the volume control. He had obviously had it that loud before the hearing aids arrived and not adjusted it back.
When I turned it down he said

 'Oh I didn't know you could adjust them from there.'

The Bed Linen

A few of my calls as a care worker involve housework visits which involve anything from shopping to general housework duties. One chap I visit called Jack who is quite a petite gentle man, who I will usually find sitting quietly in his armchair staring at the walls. He has dementia but is generally ok providing his routine isn't disrupted; then you will see him pacing back and forth worrying over the smallest of things. One particular thing that sets him off and gets him very agitated is when I change his bed linen.
'Leave it 'til next week' he will say, 'I  don't want my daughter to be washing every week'
So as a compromise I started doing it every other week, even though this was still too often in his opinion.







After a month or so I got call from the office saying that his daughter had phoned to complain that I was not doing the sheets every week. I see this lady quite often and get on quite well with her, so next time we met I apologised and explained the reason why.

'I see what you are saying' she said 'but I still would like it done every week if possible.'
Then a thought struck me, 'How about if you buy two identical duvet sets and while he is in the shower I will quickly change them and put them in the laundry basket. As you do the washing anyway you can pick it up on the way out and he need never know'
'That is brilliant' she said 'I'll get some today'

So our plan was put into action with two new two tone blue duvet sets; all was going well until after a couple of months I walked in to find Jack pacing up and down.
'Are you ok Jack?'
'No! I am a bit annoyed with you!'
'Oh why is that?' I asked
'Well I have been thinking and I know I told you not to do the bed sheets every week, but I reckon you haven't done them for about 8 weeks. I have looked in the record of care book and you have been writing down that you do them every week!!!!!'

The waiting game

If you ever visit anyone in a care home the entry system involves punching in the number of the  person you are visiting and waiting while it rings for about 2 minutes before cancelling.







Whilst outside one of the care homes on a cold December morning waiting for a lady to answer the door, a gentleman walks up behind me.

'Hello' I said, 'If you like I can cancel ringing my people take an age to answer.'
'It's alright' he replied Mine does too, she's as deaf as a post'
So we stand there and eventually the ringing stops.
'How about if we take it in turns,' I suggest 'If you ring your person now and which ever one answers first means at least we can both get in the main door at the same time.'
So he punches in his number and we wait.

'It really is a nightmare getting them to the door' he says. ' they are usually asleep'
'I know the feeling, I have stood here for about ten minutes trying to get in before now'  I answered, conscious that this was turning into a competition as to who had the worst time trying to get in.
His number stopped ringing, so I punched in my number again.
'It's really quite frustrating as I am a care worker and have other calls to make'
'Yes, I have come by bus and want to get back by lunch time'

Again the ringing stops and my brother in arms takes his turn at trying to get in.
'Hello' comes a familiar voice through the speaker system
'Hello It's John' says the man.
Oh! come in John' and the door eventually opens
'Who are you visiting?' I ask.
'The Buntings'
'So am I.'

Point proven

Norman is a quiet little man who does not have much to say; I have often thought that this is because despite wearing aids, his hearing is quite bad. When I entered the house for the first time the house I could hear the television blasting out at full volume, so suggested putting subtitles on for him; I am not sure it really helped as it was still as loud the next day which makes it even harder to communicate with him because you are always competing with the telly. I spend most of my time shouting my self hoarse or writing notes. Despite all this he seems to understand what is going on around him and seems quite capable.

Just recently his daughter paid a visit and was concerned that he was becoming less able to look after himself. Despite her best efforts Norman flatly refused to consider going into a Care home. The daughter even visited our office to try and get him certified as incapable and my opinion was asked for. I expressed my feeling that there was nothing wrong with him, apart from the hearing issue which was isolating him from the world.

'But what about the fact he does not wear his care line pendant alarm!' She remonstrated
'They all do that now and again, it does not mean that they are losing their marbles' I replied
'He never seems to understand what has been said'
'As I have said, I think that a lot of the problem is hearing related'

No more was said, but the daughter still concerned about the pendant alarm, printed off a note saying  'Have you got your care line on!' and put it on his lounge door so that he could see it as he came out of his bedroom

The next day underneath the note written in a slightly shaky hand were the words 'OF COURSE'

point made I think

the simple things

Whilst preparing breakfast for one of my elderly ladies she commented
 'I don't know why my daughter always leaves porridge out, I don't even like the stuff; What's wrong with a simple boiled egg for goodness sake?'





As I was visiting her the following day, I made a point of taking a couple of eggs with me. Having got her dressed and without saying a word I took her into the lounge where her breakfast was waiting. I had made a point on presentation, cutting up the bead into soldiers and laying them into a neat circle around the eggs.

'Oh that's lovely my dear' What a lovely surprise, do you know my dear husband used to always serve eggs just like that on Sundays. You have made my day and brought back many happy memories'

It's nice to be back

I recently had a weeks holiday; there is nothing like a break to refresh your energy. However, in my job the return to work can be equally refreshing and if honest can massage my ego quite a bit. Everywhere I go, I am continually welcomed with comments like It's good to have you back' and 'We have missed your smiling face'. One lady even cancelled the calls whilst I was away because her special needs son wouldn't have anyone else but me.
Although all the remarks are lovely there was one reaction I was not expecting.
I visit a few ladies in residential homes and consequently speak to other people in passing. Pauline always has visitors from elsewhere in the home so I invariable end up making cups of tea for them as well as for Pauline.  One of these visitors is a 'special needs' lady called Andrea,  Despite seeing her on and off for the past year, she is always a bit stand offish and seems to flinch with any physical contact; even something as innocent as a touch of the hand. I always make a point of including her in conversation and often make her laugh with my child like humour.

Shortly after my holiday I was sitting with Pauline and about to leave when 
Andrea happened to walk in.

'Hello Ian you're back from holiday then' she said with a beaming smile
'Yes, Andrea how are you?' I asked
'I am fine thank you. I have missed you'

Then the unexpected happened, she came running over and gave me a hug and a kiss!

This simple act had a tear welling in my eye as I left the room

A spade is a spade

As a carer I have noticed that the elderly almost go back to childhood see blog http://thelightersideofcarework.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/be-careful-what-you-wish-for.html

A recent addition to this blog is that they say things as they are, much like a young child would.

For example, I have recently had a very nice man shadowing me called John.  He had finished his induction course and was following me round as the final part of his training. Like me, it is a complete career change for him and he was understandably a bit apprehensive about how he would get on. He was doing really well especially when he got to one call and he asked the lady if she would like a cup of tea.
'Oh Yes please' came the immediate reply
''You never have a cup of tea when I offer' I jested with her
'Well I never fancy one normally'
And out of the corner of my eye I caught her mouthing to John 'I don't like his tea'

So now the new carer is feeling good about himself, I made a point of saying 'Well at least she'll have a drink when you arrive'. whilst making a mental note of how he made her tea should I get a chance to make her one again.  John seemed ideally suited to the job if a little timid, so I made a lot of effort to encourage and alleviate some of his apprehensions.
By the end of the evening round I could see he was starting to relax and settle into the role, all my ladies and gents seemed to take to him and I was pleased that there may be another male carer joining our team who had similar views to me about  Care work.

The last call of the evening was to an elderly lady called Miriam who has her ups and downs with her moods. I did warn John beforehand, but was relieved to find Miriam in good spirits as we entered.

'Hello Miriam' I said as we walked in 'You have another man to look after you tonight'
'Oh lovely' she replied
'Would you like a cup of tea' said John, warming to his task
'Yes please'
So off he went into the kitchen which is within earshot of the lounge where  Miriam and I were sitting.
'Do you have milk and sugar?'  he calls through
'Milk. no sugar please'
Then Miriam turns to me
'Is he new then?'
'Yes, he's shadowing me tonight and will be out working on his own next week'
'How's he getting on?'
'Really well, I think he will make a good carer' I replied, aware that John was probably listening in from the kitchen
'He's not as good as you!!' came the blunt reply

Thanks Miriam that was all my ego boosting throughout the evening wiped  out in six words

The dilemma

James suffers from dementia; he is a busy little man who is always on the go, in fact he never sits down.
Just recently he had a fall and I called an ambulance to have him checked out. Having come back from hospital I was surprised to find that he had no medication, and when I asked he told me they had not given him any. He was obviously had a lot of pain in his back and could not even get out of the chair.
As the week passed by he was getting worse, so the son started giving him Paracetamol to ease the pain and after a week we called the doctor out again, asking why he had not been prescribed any drugs. It turned out that James had torn up the prescription because he wasn't going to poison his body.
So now we have some stronger pain killers and he is on the mend.


Or is he?

 Whilst he was not on medication he stayed put in his chair, resting; but now he is on medication he feels better and is on the move again. Because of his dementia he does not understand that the medication is improving his injury, and he still needs to rest. The pain goes away and he forgets he has any injury all together.

So I go round one day and find him vacuuming the floor and enter the next day to find him lying on the settee in agony

Part of me thinks
he may have got better quicker without the tablets

patience is a virtue

Weekends can be the most demanding and stressful time for carers; As we all have every other weekend off,  those of us  that are working are trying to fit in two rounds as best we can. So let me set the scene, I got up at 5.30 am to make my first call at 6am; I then work until 1.30pm and have an hour and a half break before starting again at 3pm. As the evening goes on I am gradually running behind for various reasons and I finally get to Lorna at 7pm knowing I still have another four calls to make before I can finally put my feet up.



Now Lorna is a fastidious lady who will always take the full amount of time allocated, even when she says she will hurry the minutes seem to disappear, but Heigh ho! that is just one of those things.
As I enter I make a point of saying I am sorry for being late and that I am in a bit of a hurry because I still have lots of people to see.
'Okay' she says 'let's make it quick'
Everything is going well until I start to help her undress. As she takes off her top I start to fold it up.
'Not like that' she says 'Let me do it'
Now I know I am in trouble,  this simple task will take forever as she meticulously folds the top like a complicated piece of origami; So I go to find something to fill the time; Scurrying off to the kitchen I make a sandwich for her supper and come back just as she is finishing.
On to her thermal vest, which she also insists on folding, so off  I go again, this time I prepare her bed, puffing up the pillows & duvet and pulling back the sheets.
'How are we doing?' I enquire through gritted teeth from the bedroom.
'Nearly done' came the reply. So in my ever increasing frustration to get finished, I quickly fill in my record of care notes before returning to her side,  She looks up, smiles and hands me the neatly folded items of clothing from her lap.

'Actually you might as well put them in the laundry basket, they'll need washing!'

I finally got home at 9.30pm

when size does matter.

Maud is a lovely lady who always makes me smile. She is very particular, as she puts it, whereas all the carers would say she suffers from OCD.  Today I was asked to go in to do her housework and get some shopping. We started with the bed.

'Can you pull the pillows  away so that they don't touch my headboard. If you line them up with the edge of the cupboard that will be perfect. Oh Dear you have put the sheet the wrong way round. Pull the sheet a bit further up, No not quite that far!

As I know her quite well now, I will point out at this point that we do seem to be back to where we started, to which she will giggle and then proceed with the next instruction

'Can you do hospital corners? came the final remark

'No! I am afraid not Maud, You'll have to show me how' I replied

'Well tuck the back in first and pull the corner away.'

'Ok'

'Now fold it across'

'OK'

'No! Not that way'

'Ok how about this way'

'No'

'I am sorry Maud there are only two ways I can go'

'Oh yeah!' she giggles again 'Oh well that'll have to do'

I explain all this so that you get a picture of what I am dealing with, but honestly she is quite likable and I really enjoy her company, especially as she laughs at all my jokes.

So onto the shopping; She hands me a list with everything neatly written out. Brand name,  size of container with an alternative if required.
To make sure there is no confusion we go through the list  and half way down the she comes to Vanish stain remover.

'Now you know what I mean Dear, the one that is a powder to go in the washing machine.

'Oh yes I know the one'

'I would like the smallest one they do but I am not quite sure on the actual size'

'OK'

I have given you £16, it should be enough'

Off I go to Tesco's and everything is going well, I have a few issues with some things but I am quite confident that it will be fine. Then I walk down the washing aisle to find the Vanish, and as I go to pick it up I notice that the smallest one, 750g is £6.90 but the 1kg is only £5.01.
Well obviously I picked up the cheaper one, whilst smiling to myself that she had not given me £16 by accident and she will be pleasantly surprised when I give her an extra £2 back

'Hello Maud I'm back'

'Did you get everything?'

'Yes and I saved you some money!'

'Oh good, how was that?'

I explained about the price difference.

'Oh Dear' came the reply with a look of concern on her face.

'Why?What's the problem?'

Maud leant forward and opened the cupboard door under the sink. There were all her cleaning bottles neatly lined up in height order with each one carefully turned so you could read the label; and right at the end was a gap.

'Well the reason I wanted the small one, is because it fits exactly into this spot under the cupboard.

PS. Since this blog was posted originally I have learned how to do hospital corners

The marriage proposal

I overheard a conversation between two female carers today that made me smile,

'I have had to pull out of one of my calls this week because one of my gentlemen asked me to marry him,'

'Oh my God! What did you say?'

'Well I laughed because I thought he was joking, and then he got really upset.so I explained that I already had a boyfriend so I could not except.'

giggles

'It's not funny  I felt really sorry for the guy'

'Sorry, I was just thinking you get proposed to and the nearest thing I get to a compliment is an old boy telling me that I shouldn't wear this blouse because it makes me look fat.'

'Oh Dear! What did you say?'

'Well I am normally quite calm but as he is always so rude and it was the wrong time of the month to tell a lady she was fat, I politely pointed out that a man with no teeth in his mouth isn't exactly an oil painting himself'

golf highlights

Whilst discussing the football on the telly with one of my ladies today, we moved on to sport in general.  I mentioned that the British Open golf was starting this week and that I had recorded the Scottish Open Golf highlights to watch tonight.



'Oh I think watched that last night,' she said 'Was that the one which Michelson won?'

'I don't know I haven't watched it yet'

'Oops sorry,' she said with a smile ' Still it was very exciting, it went to a play off '


That was my evening's entertainment scuppered then

hot legs

Before I begin this blog I must point out that I do not consider myself to be a sex symbol of any sort.

As the long awaited Summer has finally arrived, I have been wearing tailored shorts to do my rounds. Whilst talking to other carers, I have discovered that my legs are quite the topic of conversation amongst my ladies; Almost every carer I have spoken to knows that I am wearing shorts. Some ladies have even shouted out to me whilst another carer is ringing me from their home.

'Is Ian coming this afternoon? I hope he's still wearing his shorts.' etc.

I have taken all this in good spirit, and take the view that if it brightens up their day it must be
a good thing.

Today I was walking along a corridor in a residential home and happened to pass three elderly ladies standing outside one of the apartments. I was just about to turn and walk up the stairs when I heard one of the ladies say 'Cor! he's got nice legs!' 
I instinctively looked back and saw three pairs of eyes staring at me. Not one to miss an opportunity I made a flamboyant little quick step on the spot, before smiling at them and disappearing up the stairs
I could still hear them cackling when I got to the top.
I think it made my day as much as it did theirs

 I was in  the same care home again four days later and the same three ladies were in the corridor again.
'Can I squeeze past ladies'
'Ooo! Here he is girls, that man showing off his legs again'. came the cheeky comment. 'you can squeeze past us any time you like luv. (raucous laughter) When are you coming back down?
'I'm sorry to disappoint ladies, but I am going to be at least fifteen minutes'
'That's alright me dear, we can wait!

and they did!