Mistaken Identity

Phylis lives all by herself rattling round in a huge house in the middle of nowhere. Because she has dementia, she gets very confused about what time of day it is and what we are coming in to do. I know that she particularly looks forward to my visits so I always try to stay patient with her as she repeats herself relentlessly throughout the call.  It's quite sad that all she really looks forward to in life is our four visits a day. As I leave she always wants to know how long she has to wait for the next carer to call and who it might be?

I had not seen her for about a week and was asked to go out to her at the last minute today because someone phoned in sick. As I enter the I hear her call from her sitting room.






'Hello, Who is it?
'It's Only Ian, Phylis'
'Oh Hello Ian. What have you come to do?'
'Well shall we go to the bathroom and get you washed, dressed and changed into some clean clothes'
'I hope you are a bit more 'with it' than last night'
'What do you mean?'
'Well you didn't seem to know what you were doing last night'
'I wasn't here Phylis'
'Yes you were, it took four attempts to get my pad on and you didn't even remember where the key was to lock up!'
'Definitely not me, I wasn't even working'
'I am sure he said his name was Ian'

'Then the penny dropped that we have another new carer called Ian working for us'

'Oh you mean Big Ian' I explained
'Why do you call him Big Ian?' she asked
'Because he is six foot five and I am five foot four'
'Oh that explains it, he does look like you though!

An hour later I happened to be speaking to BIG Ian to clarify a few things about some calls he was making that evening. I asked him how he got on with Phylis and he started laughing, it turned out that he had tried to put a new pad on with out taking the old one off and got in a right old pickle. I told him not to worry I have done similar things myself because you lose track with her continual bombardment of questions. He finished the story off by proudly repeating her passing words

'Thank you Ian you always make me laugh and I will always think of you as my friend'

I didn't have the heart to tell him that she thought she was talking to me.

Did I make you jump?

Maud is a lovely lady who is very hard of hearing. I will often make her jump when I arrive because the TV is on full blast and she has not realised that I have arrived. I spend most of my time communicating through sign language; be it pointing at things, a thumbs up or a simple T sign for a cup of tea. When I give her food I always show her the packaging to give her a choice and will stand in front of her with the plate of food to indicate it is time to sit at the table and eat. It was on one such occasion that she seemed a bit doddery walking with her frame to the table, so as she sat down  I placed my hand on her back. As with a lot of these situations it is very tight for space, making it awkward to help without being a hindrance. She immediately jumped in the air and nearly fell over. I quickly grabbed her and was obviously concerned that I had made her jump or worse still I had hurt her in some way. 
'I am sorry are you OK? Did I tread on your toes?' I shouted
'No I am just very ticklish' she giggled


As I look back it strikes me that it could be a turning point in our relationship as carer and patient ,because it seemed to break the barrier of her hearing problem and we chuckled for some time after as she ate her dinner

the new hearing aids

Derek is one of these men who is lucky enough or unlucky enough in his opinion to reach 100 years of age. He can still walk and can read a book in a day. Of late his hearing has deteriorated and this became the regular topic of conversation. Firstly because the nurses do not do home visits to syringe any more so he had to go to the surgery to have it done. Then his hearing was not much better so he invested a lot of money in custom hearing aids. On the first day after they had arrived I found him fiddling around trying to get them in his ear.
'They will have to go back they do not fit' he remonstrated
'Shall I try?' I offered
This is not as straight forward as might seem. There is obviously a left and right hearing aid and unlike the national health ones they are not so easy to differentiate. Also, because they fit snuggly in each ear they are quite tricky to fit. I eventually worked out there is blue and red writing to indicate left and right and life was ok.

Two days later.
'These hearing aids aren't working again'
'Have the batteries run out'
'What in two days, I can't afford to change them that often'
It was the batteries but you are supposed to slightly remove them at night to save the charge. Another problem solved, and everything seemed alright apart from the fact that he would regularly take them out during the day and then complain they were not working when he had not quite put them back in properly' Almost every time I went in I was greeted with
'These hearing aids don't work they will have to go back.'
Two weeks go by and the hearing aid saga is beginning to settle down until, I walk and find him really despondent.
'What's the problem?'
'These hearing aids, I have spent a lot of money on them and now I think they are too loud, I think I will have to go back and get them reset'
'Am I too loud?'
'No you are alright but it's when I watch television'
'Shall we try them out now'
'OK but it's no good'

I turned the TV on and the volume was through the roof; it was so loud I could not get to the remote control quick enough to turn it down from 35 to 10 on the volume control. He had obviously had it that loud before the hearing aids arrived and not adjusted it back.
When I turned it down he said

 'Oh I didn't know you could adjust them from there.'

The Bed Linen

A few of my calls as a care worker involve housework visits which involve anything from shopping to general housework duties. One chap I visit called Jack who is quite a petite gentle man, who I will usually find sitting quietly in his armchair staring at the walls. He has dementia but is generally ok providing his routine isn't disrupted; then you will see him pacing back and forth worrying over the smallest of things. One particular thing that sets him off and gets him very agitated is when I change his bed linen.
'Leave it 'til next week' he will say, 'I  don't want my daughter to be washing every week'
So as a compromise I started doing it every other week, even though this was still too often in his opinion.







After a month or so I got call from the office saying that his daughter had phoned to complain that I was not doing the sheets every week. I see this lady quite often and get on quite well with her, so next time we met I apologised and explained the reason why.

'I see what you are saying' she said 'but I still would like it done every week if possible.'
Then a thought struck me, 'How about if you buy two identical duvet sets and while he is in the shower I will quickly change them and put them in the laundry basket. As you do the washing anyway you can pick it up on the way out and he need never know'
'That is brilliant' she said 'I'll get some today'

So our plan was put into action with two new two tone blue duvet sets; all was going well until after a couple of months I walked in to find Jack pacing up and down.
'Are you ok Jack?'
'No! I am a bit annoyed with you!'
'Oh why is that?' I asked
'Well I have been thinking and I know I told you not to do the bed sheets every week, but I reckon you haven't done them for about 8 weeks. I have looked in the record of care book and you have been writing down that you do them every week!!!!!'

The waiting game

If you ever visit anyone in a care home the entry system involves punching in the number of the  person you are visiting and waiting while it rings for about 2 minutes before cancelling.







Whilst outside one of the care homes on a cold December morning waiting for a lady to answer the door, a gentleman walks up behind me.

'Hello' I said, 'If you like I can cancel ringing my people take an age to answer.'
'It's alright' he replied Mine does too, she's as deaf as a post'
So we stand there and eventually the ringing stops.
'How about if we take it in turns,' I suggest 'If you ring your person now and which ever one answers first means at least we can both get in the main door at the same time.'
So he punches in his number and we wait.

'It really is a nightmare getting them to the door' he says. ' they are usually asleep'
'I know the feeling, I have stood here for about ten minutes trying to get in before now'  I answered, conscious that this was turning into a competition as to who had the worst time trying to get in.
His number stopped ringing, so I punched in my number again.
'It's really quite frustrating as I am a care worker and have other calls to make'
'Yes, I have come by bus and want to get back by lunch time'

Again the ringing stops and my brother in arms takes his turn at trying to get in.
'Hello' comes a familiar voice through the speaker system
'Hello It's John' says the man.
Oh! come in John' and the door eventually opens
'Who are you visiting?' I ask.
'The Buntings'
'So am I.'

Point proven

Norman is a quiet little man who does not have much to say; I have often thought that this is because despite wearing aids, his hearing is quite bad. When I entered the house for the first time the house I could hear the television blasting out at full volume, so suggested putting subtitles on for him; I am not sure it really helped as it was still as loud the next day which makes it even harder to communicate with him because you are always competing with the telly. I spend most of my time shouting my self hoarse or writing notes. Despite all this he seems to understand what is going on around him and seems quite capable.

Just recently his daughter paid a visit and was concerned that he was becoming less able to look after himself. Despite her best efforts Norman flatly refused to consider going into a Care home. The daughter even visited our office to try and get him certified as incapable and my opinion was asked for. I expressed my feeling that there was nothing wrong with him, apart from the hearing issue which was isolating him from the world.

'But what about the fact he does not wear his care line pendant alarm!' She remonstrated
'They all do that now and again, it does not mean that they are losing their marbles' I replied
'He never seems to understand what has been said'
'As I have said, I think that a lot of the problem is hearing related'

No more was said, but the daughter still concerned about the pendant alarm, printed off a note saying  'Have you got your care line on!' and put it on his lounge door so that he could see it as he came out of his bedroom

The next day underneath the note written in a slightly shaky hand were the words 'OF COURSE'

point made I think

the simple things

Whilst preparing breakfast for one of my elderly ladies she commented
 'I don't know why my daughter always leaves porridge out, I don't even like the stuff; What's wrong with a simple boiled egg for goodness sake?'





As I was visiting her the following day, I made a point of taking a couple of eggs with me. Having got her dressed and without saying a word I took her into the lounge where her breakfast was waiting. I had made a point on presentation, cutting up the bead into soldiers and laying them into a neat circle around the eggs.

'Oh that's lovely my dear' What a lovely surprise, do you know my dear husband used to always serve eggs just like that on Sundays. You have made my day and brought back many happy memories'