When Carers can be a hindrance

Dennis is a quiet, almost reclusive chap who lives on his own and suffers with dementia. Of late he has gotten worse due to circumstances that have upset his daily routine. Invariably I walk in to find him just sitting there staring at the walls in silence, waiting for the warden or me to make our daily calls. Conversation can be quite hard, he often gives one word answers, not because he is being rude but because he can't think of any way to elaborate. As a consequence, I know that a lot of carers go in, do their tasks and leave.





Just recently I asked him why he does not go out more, and was surprised to hear that he was in fact sitting in waiting for the warden and me to arrive.

'It's rude to go out when you know someone is coming to visit'

So in fact along with his meals on wheels, our visits had become his life. He was even sitting in waiting for the 'check' call over the tannoy system

This was obviously unacceptable, so I suggested to Dennis that he at least go to  'The Coffee Morning'* on Wednesdays and I will make my visit later on that day.

The following Wednesday I arrived just after he had got home and the difference in him was remarkable; He was smiling, talkative and more alive than I have ever known since visiting him.

It's an interesting thought that Carers are supposed to improve quality of life, but in this case we had become a hindrance.

Since that day I have spoken to the family and suggested  '**Singing for the brain', which he now attends on Thursdays.


* Quote from a lady 'why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
** http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=760

when size does matter.

Maud is a lovely lady who always makes me smile. She is very particular, as she puts it, whereas all the carers would say she suffers from OCD.  Today I was asked to go in to do her housework and get some shopping. We started with the bed.

'Can you pull the pillows  away so that they don't touch my headboard. If you line them up with the edge of the cupboard that will be perfect. Oh Dear you have put the sheet the wrong way round. Pull the sheet a bit further up, No not quite that far!

As I know her quite well now, I will point out at this point that we do seem to be back to where we started, to which she will giggle and then proceed with the next instruction

'Can you do hospital corners? came the final remark

'No! I am afraid not Maud, You'll have to show me how' I replied

'Well tuck the back in first and pull the corner away.'

'Ok'

'Now fold it across'

'OK'

'No! Not that way'

'Ok how about this way'

'No'

'I am sorry Maud there are only two ways I can go'

'Oh yeah!' she giggles again 'Oh well that'll have to do'

I explain all this so that you get a picture of what I am dealing with, but honestly she is quite likable and I really enjoy her company, especially as she laughs at all my jokes.

So onto the shopping; She hands me a list with everything neatly written out. Brand name,  size of container with an alternative if required.
To make sure there is no confusion we go through the list  and half way down the she comes to Vanish stain remover.

'Now you know what I mean Dear, the one that is a powder to go in the washing machine.

'Oh yes I know the one'

'I would like the smallest one they do but I am not quite sure on the actual size'

'OK'

I have given you £16, it should be enough'

Off I go to Tesco's and everything is going well, I have a few issues with some things but I am quite confident that it will be fine. Then I walk down the washing aisle to find the Vanish, and as I go to pick it up I notice that the smallest one, 750g is £6.90 but the 1kg is only £5.01.
Well obviously I picked up the cheaper one, whilst smiling to myself that she had not given me £16 by accident and she will be pleasantly surprised when I give her an extra £2 back

'Hello Maud I'm back'

'Did you get everything?'

'Yes and I saved you some money!'

'Oh good, how was that?'

I explained about the price difference.

'Oh Dear' came the reply with a look of concern on her face.

'Why?What's the problem?'

Maud leant forward and opened the cupboard door under the sink. There were all her cleaning bottles neatly lined up in height order with each one carefully turned so you could read the label; and right at the end was a gap.

'Well the reason I wanted the small one, is because it fits exactly into this spot under the cupboard.

PS. Since this blog was posted originally I have learned how to do hospital corners