Tuppence a bag

Just recently I have been asked to start doing some activities on other units in our care home, so as making bird feeders proved to be successful in my unit, I thought I would try it elsewhere. This involved mixing seed and nuts with lard and putting them into a paper cup, before hanging them up outside the window. 

As is often the case, one lady did not want to make them but I could feel her eyes burning into the back of my neck as I moved round the lounge helping others to do so. I do not mind this, as it is obviously engaging the person and draws them into conversation; At least they are not just staring blankly at the television. Every now and again she would chip in with. 'Aren't they lovely' or 'they'll look great'

Fortunately in this unit there was already a feeding station outside the window but judging by the quality of the mouldy seed, it hadn't had any visitors for a while, so I cleaned the feeders, added some sunflower hearts and hung our collection of home made fat balls alongside.

As I came back to the unit to collect my seed etc. the lady concerned stopped me to complain that she couldn't see the feeders from where she sits, so I went back outside and moved it across; when I went back in another gentleman said that he now couldn't see it from his chair. By this time it had started raining and I'm standing outside, while each resident moves me backwards and forwards and side to side like an episode of 'The Golden Shot' with gestures to imply that  I should go left a bit, right a bit, back a bit, STOP! By the time they had finished I was drenched, but at least they all now had a view of their new point of interest.

I thought nothing more of the bird station until about a week later, when the lady, who had been watching me make the feeders, appeared in my unit to tell me how the birds had come.

'and all their little yellow bottoms are poking up in the air.' She delightedly told me.

'Oh! That's great' I said

'Yes and we even have a squirrel who hangs upside down too, trying to get at the seed'

From that day on, I always made a point to make sure the feeders were topped up with seed, which would often be greeted with a wave from the lady when I finished.

All was well until the lady concerned, grabbed me on my travels to ask why their bird feeder had been taken down?

'Really? I can't think why?' I said

'Well, I saw the man do it, and I was shouting at him to put it back but he wouldn't listen!' she angrily exclaimed 'The poor birds have nothing to eat'

A quick look out of the window and I realised it had been dismantled when the gardener had mowed the lawn and he had not put it back afterwards.

'It's alright I can see the problem, I'll go and put it back now' I told her

Thank you dear; have a biscuit'

'Thank you, I don't mind if I do, I'm rather partial to the custard creams.'
'Not for you. FOR THE BIRDS!'

mistaken identity

Just recently we have had quite a few new people to look after. Most of them I only see once in a blue moon because I have my own regular ladies and gents to look after.
Yesterday my senior care worker rang up to ask if I could take on a few extra calls as someone had gone off sick. As she rattled off the names I visualised my route until the last one which was a lady called Janine.
'Janine?' I asked as I couldn't place the name
'Yes, you know the lady; never normally wants much so we sit and chat for ten minutes'
'Oh yes I know her' I replied cursing under my breath, as the lady lives on the other side of town to the others.
Having finished the first two calls, I made the fifteen minute journey across town muttering under my breath that there must have been another carer who was nearer to do the visit.
I enter the house to find the lady in her kitchen
'Hello I haven't seen you for a while' she said
'Hello Janine, How are you today/' I replied,
'Not too bad, I am a bit cold though.'
'Is the heating on'
'Oh expect my husband forgot this morning as he was in a hurry'
'Oh okay, I'll put it on then shall I'  whilst moving across to the thermostat. 'Have you had breakfast'
'No, not yet'
I dutifully make her breakfast with warm milk and check she has taken her meds before looking for the record of care book. It was not in it's usual place. so I asked Janine where it was.
'I am not sure, it might be in the book case'
'Nope that's the people who do your housework'
'I don't know then
I spent about five minutes looking for the book and eventually gave up, deciding to leave a note for her husband on a scrap piece of paper. On the kitchen table was a note pad and as I picked it up I noticed someone had written 'Care cancelled from the 12th'
Today was the 17th.
'Your name is Janine isn't it'
'No Jean'
'Sorry, I am not supposed to be here'
'Oh well never mind dear, It was nice to see you'
A quick call to my senior and I established that Janine lived five minutes away from where I was about half an hour previously.

Not such a clever clogs

This week I was asked to take a lady out shadowing with me to learn the ropes. She was a lovely lady, really friendly and attentive to what was saying, by the end of the evening I was convinced she would make a great carer.
At our last call with Brenda, a severely deaf lady who has dementia, I was demonstrating how to put a certain type of pad on.


'First of all' I explained, 'this it is not the ideal kind to put on this particular service user, because it is really designed to be put on when someone is laying down in bed and we dress this lady standing up. Normally we would use the straight forward pull up kind, but because of this lady's incontinence problem these ones absorb better. So as you can see it is designed to be wrapped round the waist and then fed between her legs to be attached by Velcro at the front. As you can imagine this is a nightmare to do on your own, so I guess at the ladies waist and then make it up so it is like a straight forward pull up pair. I have been looking after this lady for a while now so I have a pretty good idea of her size' I add smugly


Brenda, our elderly lady concerned wears a Onesie (with a hood) to go to bed which is another problem altogether. I wheel her into the bedroom and help her undress. When it comes to her trousers I get her stand up using a rota stand and shout '123 UP' I then pull down her trousers and the wet pad. Brenda then sits down and I slip the new pad on up to her knees along with the trouser part of the Onsie. '123UP' and she stands again while I pull everything up and slip her arms into the top half.
'As you can see' I proudly say whilst pulling up the perfectly fitting pad  'I am quite good at guessing the size.
My pupil is suitably impressed
She sits down again and I do the buttons up on the Onesie.
'Now we can move Brenda near the bed and use the rota stand to get her from the chair into bed' I demonstrate 'Once we have got Brenda sitting on the side of the bed she can lean back and we can lift her legs up onto the bed.
As I bent down to do this I notice with horror an obstacle on the bed. It was the clean pad I had made up earlier which meant that in my smugness to show off I had put the soiled pad back on.
Now you try explaining to a deaf lady with dementia who is in the process of snuggling down, that she has got to get undressed again.


On the positive side; To save taking the Onsie completely off and as there was two of us, I did not take the pad off down past her ankles but demonstrated the conventional way to take that particular pad off and on. Extra training

So it's not all tea and cakes then

I had a gentleman who is hoping to became a care worker at our company join me today to see what the job involved


The Conversation started with.....

'Our first call is a lady who.....' 

'We visit ladies?'  came the stunned interruption

'Oh yes, we visit a wide range of people from the young to the old to special needs, all of which include Male and females

'I imagined that as I was a male I would only be visiting men'

Not a good start. Ok so we get over that barrier and we go in to another lady and he is so shocked by her condition that he can barely look at her and busies himself in the kitchen to keep out of the way

Later that day  I had to call an ambulance out to an elderly lady that has had a fall.  She was Ok but needed to go to hospital for a check up. Again he disappears into the kitchen to make a cup of tea but stays there until the ambulance arrives


He seemed very sheepish when I dropped him off.
Not quite the cup of tea and cakes scenario that he imagined I think.
Needless to say he never came back

The Chair Lift

Chair lifts are an important aid for many people to stay in their homes when their mobility slows them down. There are several kinds of chair lifts; from the straight up and down, to the ones that go round corners and then there's type that John has, that have a track that folds up when it is not in use because the chair lift comes down across the front door blocking the exit.


On this particular day I decided to get to John early because I had a few extra calls on my round that I had never been to before and was not sure what they would entail. John is a bit of an enigma, sometimes you go in and you are out in ten minutes and other days you can be in with him for an hour, which makes planning your day a bit tricky and was another reason for getting there early.
  As I walk in I see that John is up and about already, this is good news as it means I have not got ten minutes of coaxing him out of bed and then waiting for him find his balance before attempting to go upstairs for his wash.
'Morning John.' I enquire whilst prompting his medication. 'How are you today?'
'Not so mucking fusty' came the usual response.
'I'll just bring the chair lift down and then we can go upstairs for your wash'
'Ok Boss'
I lowered the track in front of the front door before walking upstairs to sit on the chair to bring it down. I know you can do all this from a remote downstairs but I quite enjoy the ride. At least I did until I got three feet from the end and the thing came to a dead halt with all the lights going off. After fiddling around with various switches I came to the conclusion that it was in need of professional help.
I  fetch a bowl to fill with hot water and wash John in the lounge before getting him dressed. As I was making a cup of tea to go with his breakfast I glanced at the clock 'Oh good, despite all this kerfuffle, it has still only taken half an hour.'
'Right John, I have sent a message to you daughter explaining about the chair. As I obviously can't use the front door, I will go out the back way, do you know where the key is?
'Should be in the door'
'It's not there'
'Oooh! I haven't seen it since I came out of hospital'!'
'Have you got any ideas?'
'Might be in my coat'
'Where's that'
'Ooooh I haven't seen it since I came out of hospital'
So off I go in search of the coat as the realisation that all the downstairs exits are patio doors hits me; I could be spending the morning trapped in the house waiting for a repair man. I eventually find a coat under a pile of clothes but no key!!!
'It's not there'
'Not that one the green one'
Off I go again aware that time is slipping away rapidly. I find the green coat in the bedroom, but still no key
'I tell you what, it might be in that drawer over there marked keys' says John as he picks up his breakfast bowl and slowly heads to the sink to wash up; seemingly totally oblivious to my increasing anguish
Great, I've found it, but in my haste to open the door, I pull the blind down blind on top of me.
'It does that now and again' says John
Frustration is building inside me now as I fumble, all fingers and thumbs, to put the blind back up and rush to the back gate which, you guessed it, won't open.
'The gate won't open John'
'Ah! You'll need a screw driver as I screw it shut against the post.'
'Ok, so where's your screw driver?'
'Ooooh I haven't seen that since I came out of hospital...........'


Three quarters of an hour later I made it to my next call

always right

Dealing with members of the public is not always the easiest of jobs, as many customer service desk representatives will no doubt vouch. I have a young lady that I help with housework and shopping. She will only ever see things from her side of the argument; will always look to catch the office out and then moan relentlessly to me about it afterwards. I spend the two hour call biting my tongue and nodding graciously as she tells me her latest fracas with somebody or other.


Today whilst shopping she walks away from the till and waves a receipt at me that was barely legible.


'Look at that' she says, 'I think they are running out of ink, how am I supposed to read that?'
'Does it matter? You only bought four things ' I replied, knowing full well that she tots up how much her shopping is as she goes round and would instantly know if it was wrong.
She is one of these ladies who spots when the price of pringles has gone up by two pence. In fact our shopping trip involves three supermarkets to find the best price of said items. Of course she doesn't consider the extra fuel that it costs me to go from store to store.


'That's not the point' she continued 'I'm going to tell a supervisor and ask for another receipt'
'Fair enough' I said 'I'll wait over here', pointing to a quiet place round the corner to disassociate myself from the impending embarrassment.
I peer round the corner and watch her walk across to the lady on customer service desk to begin her tirade. After a few seconds, I was astonished when she stopped mid flow and walked back rather sheepishly.
'Everything Ok' I enquired
'I only had the bloody thing upside down'   

A day in the life the ups, the downs

Having started at 7.30 a.m., I finished my morning calls slightly earlier than expected. so whilst examining my evening rota, I settled down with a cup of well earned tea .
'Good' I thought 'Not many calls tonight, so it should be a nice steady evening. Time to reward myself with a long soak in the bath along with a good book before going out again'
Ten minutes into my wallow, I can hear my phone ringing. I drag myself downstairs dripping wet to find a voice mail asking if I could take on some more calls tonight. Bang goes my bath, as I now need to get dressed and set off an hour earlier than expected. Like NOW!
Strangely enough  though, things were going really smoothly, I even had time to stop off at home half way round for a cup of tea .
I'm in a really mellow mood as I go from house to house, still gaining time as I go. I decide to spend a bit more time with a couple of my ladies; one asking me to sing to her and another sitting on the side of her bed showing me old photos and letters from her family. There was one letter from her father to her mother describing, in true Enid Blyton style, the joy of looking after his new born child. The child being the 90 year old lady sitting beside me on the bed. I leave the second lady content that I have had a worthwhile day and what is more, I am still on track to finish at 9.30pm


I have two calls to go when I enter Phyllis' house to find her in bed. She has dementia and like most dementia patients has good and bad days. She is also profoundly deaf which can also make life very difficult at times.


The fact she has made her own way to bed means it is a good day, or is it? , She has managed to use the commode, this means that her pad is no longer on when she has gone to bed, so the bed is wet. She is still wearing her clothes so they are also wet.
This was going to take longer than the half an hour I had planned. I sighed inwardly as I set about my task and whilst emptying the commode I catch sight of a pile of faeces on the bedside cabinet that she has removed from her pad. I quickly put them in the commode before cleaning it out, rolled her back and forth to change the bed sheets, cleaned her bottom up; washed her hands; put a clean pad on along with fresh pyjamas; all done with the aid of sign language. I finally tidied up the lounge, put her soiled clothes in the wash before going back into the bedroom to say goodnight. As I lent forward to kiss her forehead she jumped because she had not seen or heard me return. We both laughed before she tenderly grabbed my face with both hands, lent forward and kissed me gently on the lips. She has never done this before. Perhaps it was an apology for the mess, but it felt more than that. It was a beautiful moment I would cherish for a long time and made my day. Bless you Phyllis
I have to admit though, I did have one overwhelming thought at the time she was holding my face. 'Thank God I'd washed her hands!'

Groundhog day

Dementia particularly Alzheimers is a terrible illness, it effects the whole family and everyone surrounding the person who develops it. As a carer we can be a bit of light relief for spouses and family. A break in the routine, a change of conversation, a breath of normality breezing in and out. I look after one lady who has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers who currently lives on her own. She is in her fifties folks so don't think it just effects the pensioners.


Because she forgets whether she has eaten we go in to cook a meal and encourage her to make a cup of tea.


The other day whilst serving shepherd's pie I commented 'Poor old shepherds, there used to be loads of them before they started on these pies, now they are a dying race, a rare breed. Do you know there are only a few of them left now hiding out in the hillside in fear for their lives. They estimate that one shepherd can fill up to twenty pies, but the way it is going there won't be any left soon.


The lady giggled at my childlike humour so I continued.


It's not just the shepherds though I have heard the fisherman are under threat too. I'll tell you something for nothing if they start making a Carer's pie I'm off!.


 I left the left with tears in her eyes chuckling at the thought.


Today I entered her house and started to cook shepherd's pie and she turned to me and said 'Poor old shepherds . they're a dying race you know............


I have a feeling this could go be an on going saga

snippets of conversation

Discussion with one of my ladies when I was running late

'I have got to go' I apologised 'because I have got to get to my next gentleman out of bed'

'You don't have to wash him as well, do you?'

'yes'

'Even his, you know.......(hushed voice) .... willy'

(hushed voice) 'Yes'

'Yuk! The thought of it makes me feel sick. I couldn't do it! especially if a little bit of.... you know.... dribble came out'

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Another lady at meal time

'There you go M'dear, a nice ham sandwich for your supper'

'Thank you,  let me take my teeth out so I can eat it'

This turned out to be a bit more serious as her denture hurt when she ate, so I spoke to the family about a trip to the dentist

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Whilst I was showering one of my ladies and was about to clean her nether regions,  she innocently asked...... 

'Can you check to see if my pussy is OK.'
She was of course talking about her cat.
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 Quote from a lady at a care home social event
 'Why do they call them coffee mornings, when we all drink tea?'
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Random comment from a lady who feels the need to share this sort of information on a regular basis
'I finally went to the toilet today. You won't believe how messy it was' 'It was the messiest poo ever and took me ages to clean up.' etc...........
As if I would really want to know
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Whilst chatting to a lady who had recently had a fall and needed more care than normal, I suggested that I could help her in the shower
'My God No! I am not letting you anywhere near my Minnie mouse'
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A Lady looking up at some old bibles on the top shelf of her library
'Do you Know?  When I was able to get about more , I used to dust those bibles religiously every week
==========================================================================
'Do you know Harry Rednapp picks the players for all the teams'
'What every football team?'
'Oh Yes!'
'So he must know who is going to win'
'Ah! with a wink 'Now you are cottoning on.'
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talking to one of my ladies tonight who said 'I had Spicy bean burger in BHS today, My friend thought it was really spicy, I thought it was quite bland'.
I replied that's a shame, I made a sausage casserole tonight which had leeks, garlic, carrot, baked beans, turmeric and curry powder in it, you probably would have liked that instead.
'Oh no, not for me thanks, I don't like spicy food!'
'But you said the bean burger wasn't spicy enough for you'
'That's right, I think it must just be different recipes, some are and some aren't'
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Quote from my 100 year old lady today 'You know what dear, I think I am getting old.'
Second quote from her
'Do you know, I went out today and whilst sitting in the square looking at all the people, I came to the conclusion I'm wearing the wrong clothes'
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Had to smile today. My ears are blocked up with wax so I can't hear very well. So as I entered each house call I apologised for the fact that I might be a bit deaf today, and without exception they all said 'Pardon!'
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Elderly gentleman with dementia who has been going round on a loop asking and saying the same thing for about an hour, approaches another resident in our care home who has all her faculties.
'I didn't come in here to die'
'Didn't you Duck? What did you come for then?'

Bedtime stories

I have often heard parents complain about the summer nights not getting dark until gone 9pm. Children will say 'It can't be time for bed it's still light outside' I experience the same issues with a lot of my ladies and gents.


Two ladies in particular who both used to be a Headmistress tend to cause a few problems. Being headmistresses they both dominate the younger carers and get away with what they want. The first one has often been found still in her chair in the morning because a carer has politely asked 'Would you like to go to bed now?' to which she has firmly replied 'No!' The carer has left herself with no-where to go and has had to leave her watching television. I don't give any choice and perhaps because I am older I get away with more, I just say 'Time for bed' and start to dress her in her nightwear. All our carers now know how to deal with her and she now just excepts the routine


The other lady is down for a call at 2030hrs. During the winter months, being dark, this is too late because she has made her own way to bed, which is not good as she often has falls when walking around. During the Summer months because it is light, she refuses to go to bed saying it is too early. Where possible I try to arrange my round to suit the season, however I can't go much later as I have two more calls after her.


The other night I arrived at the designated time and asked if she would make her way to the bedroom.
'No, It's too early'
As I experience this on a regular basis, I made us both a cup of tea and started to fill in my record of care notes whilst having a chat. Normally this is enough time for her to get used to the idea and feel she is making her own decision to go to bed. However on this occasion she was not having any of it. Aware that she won over the young carer the evening before, I was determined not to set a precedent. I also noted that earlier in the day she had fallen over and banged her head. so my conscience would not allow me to risk leaving her to get to bed on her own; The following conversation went round in loops and she had started to get so agitated that I was beginning to feel that I was fighting a losing battle.


'I will be alright dear, I am perfectly capable of making my own way to bed'
'But you have had a fall today'
'So! I am even less likely to have another one' came the illogical reply
'Yes but I would never forgive myself if you had another fall like this morning'
'It is still daylight outside and I am not a child'
'So what happens if you have a fall?
'I have my alarm button.'
'You mean the one tied to your trolley that you could not reach when you fell earlier in the month'
'When was that?
'When you bashed your arm' pointing to the bandaging that was still covering the wound. And you fell over this morning' aware that I was beginning to repeat myself
'Yes but I was alright then and I will be fine NOW!' she retorted as I could felt the tension rising.
'Yes but that was because the carer came in and found you within an hour. If I leave you now it could be ten hours before anyone found you.
'Sorry I don't see the difference'
'Well you were a headmistress, you should  know' I said with a smile
'What?' came the puzzled response
'Ten minus one equals nine'
Tension broken as she started to chuckle 'Oh alright I'll go to bloody bed then'






The next week I was having the same problem with her. Smiling graciously when she was asking what time I would finishing whilst thinking 'That it all depends on you'. Some 40 minutes later when I finally get her into bed she asked 'When will I see you again?'
'Saturday evening and I am praying for rain.' I replied with a smirk
'Oh that's a bit glum, Why?'
'Because, you go to bed early when it's raining'

My favourite shower days again

The latest antics with my special needs man. If you remember for some reason he always wears a shower hat before getting in the shower, despite the fact that I am going to wash his hair. As I have said I always put it on before and sing 'Where did you get that hat?'
Well his mother has bought one for me. It is white with black spots and has a bow at the back. I look a bit like Cruella Deville dutifully wearing it and causing great joviality in the shower. Now the song is 'Where did we get those hats'
New songs have been added like 'feeling Hot Hot hot' except I say it's 'not too Hot Hot Hot' when I start to wash his hair. As it goes on I sing the 'feel it in the morning, feel it in the evening' with him coming in with the Hot Hot Hots. Recently I added 'Feel it on your fingers' and 'feel it on your crown jewels' which had him in stitches.




Today, after I finished the call and had my little chat with his mum over a cup coffee,  I bade farewell and made way to the car. Just as was about to get in the car the lady who cleans was pulling up.


'Morning Tania' I shout out.
Morning Ian, you might want to take that hat off before you go any further, I don't think we are expecting any rain.'

lost keys

One of my regular chores in life as a care worker and at home is looking for keys. I am useless at finding my own ones let alone all my ladies and gents. I have a few dementia people who can be quite imaginative with their secret stashes. under mattresses; in the fridge; in the bread bin etc.

One of my recent challenges was with Sheila who suffers from a really short span of attention.  It was the day of a neighbour's funeral and for her it was an occasion that dominated her mind. It was a change from the norm and in a strange way was something to look forward to; a chance to get away from her four walls and get out. I arrived at 0845 to find her already dressed  in her outfit, front door wide open with her pacing up and down looking out for her lift. As the funeral was not for another two hours I coaxed her back inside to take her medication and check she had eaten.
Just as I was about to leave she announced that her keys were missing and went into panic mode. Whilst  trying to calm her down we started the search in all the usual places; in her pockets; under her pillows; down the side of the settee. All to no avail. She went to see if her neighbour had a key, but still no luck as she had gone out. I was just about to give up after ten minutes when I found them in the soap dish of the shower cubicle.  Now running late and aware that I should already be at the next call I put her keys in her bag and placed it on the table suggesting that she calm down.
As I bade my farewell and crossed the road to my car I heard a door slam behind me and there was sheila coming down the path. My heart sank.
'Have you got your keys Sheila?'
The look on her face gave me the answer
I climbed over the fence to get round to back of the house to find that door also locked. The only entrance was a small kitchen window, so with the aid of a large plant pot I climbed up to open it fully, thus allowing me to reach in to open a larger window which was just big enough for me to squeeze through, clamber over the sink before eventually letting Sheila back in. I sat her down, put the television on and suggested she watched it until someone knocked on the door.
I got to my next call 30 minutes late

unexpected smile

On my way into Jean's I passed a Relative on the way out. Jean does not have many visitors so it was nice to see a smiling face as a entered the house. She can normally be quite agitated spending her  time alone, clock watching and waiting for the Carers to arrive, but with the unexpected distraction she was full of the joys of spring.


We started our routine of getting her ready for bed and as I was about to administer the medication I looked over at her bedside table and noticed that her friend had kindly made some blackcurrant juice, As I picked up the glass I could even hear some ice chinking in the bottom; a nice touch, I thought, on this hot day. It is sometimes difficult to get Jean to take medication with plain water so I offered her the glass. She dutifully took all three tablets with a large gulp of juice, before handing it back half full as she didn't want the rest. I tucked her up in bed and picked up the glass to wash up on my departure; as I tipped the liquid away I realised with horror that it was not ice chinking around in the bottom of the glass.....
                                          ....... but there in the bottom of the sink were her dentures smiling up at me.

The daily routine

During my short time as a care worker I have discovered that routine is probably one of the most important things for my ladies and gents. They like to know who is coming and at what time, then more importantly, what we are doing in what order when we arrive. If I have a new carer going in to see one of my people I will always make a point of running through the order that I do things; Not only does this help the person we are caring for but also helps us as carers complete the call within the time allowed. People with dementia obviously need this routine more than anyone else but It was not until recently that I realised how much the things we say can also become part of that routine.






I have been looking after Brian for about six weeks now and quickly got him into a routine. As he sits on the chair of the stair lift I say (as I do with a lot of people) 'first floor ladies lingerie,' to which he will always chuckle and reminisce about the TV programme 'Are you being served'. Then when we get to the shower I  regale him with a verse of singing in the rain. which he dutifully joins in with; He has a little green pouch with his money in, so a burst of The Robin Hood theme has to be sung as I put it on the bedside cabinet for him, and so on.






The other night I went in and Brian had got very distressed about a family matter and his wife was almost at the end of her tether trying to calm him down. As with a lot of dementia patients he had become fixated on the problem and would not let it go despite several reassurances. It is in these circumstances that staying calm when all round you are not is the best policy. A change of subject was needed but I was not sure how, so I decided to just start getting him ready for bed, I coaxed Brian out of his chair and helped him as he unsteadily made his way to the chair lift. He was extremely confused and barely seemed to know what was going on.


As he sat in the chair of the stair lift I chipped in with my usual line 'First floor; Ladies lingerie'


Almost immediately, I could see the tension leaving his face as he looked up and chuckled 'Oh! It's you.' He then leant forward and gave me a hug.






It was one of those special moments that makes being a care worker worth while.




It also occurred to me, that my little one liners and songs are what identifies me to a lot of people with dementia,  His short term memory did not pick up on my face but my daily routine performance.

double vision

Whilst visiting Louisa the other day she handed me a letter and asked if I could read it to her.


'It's about my eyes' she said. 'I am having my an operation on them, so hopefully I will be able to read it myself soon.'


I opened the envelope and started to read the information out loud. It was standard stuff about what to do on the day of the operation; Time and date; What to bring; where to park;  post op treatment etc.
I had read two pages and just turned over the third page to read when I stopped in my tracks.


'Have you had any trouble with double vision Louisa? I enquired
'No?'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes I'm having a cataract removed in my left eye'
'And that hasn't caused any double vision?'
'No. Why?
'Well they've sent you two identical letters in the same envelope.'

Outrageous treatment of Carers

Just recently there has been a lot in the news about poor care. Whilst I abhor what has gone on, I am equally disgusted with the way some carers are treated by their companies. I recently spoke to two different carers who work for two different companies and was astonished to find that they are not paid for any time that they take to travel between calls. They are expected to either cut short one call to reach the next or use their own time if they take too long at the call. This effectively means that vulnerable people are being rushed by a carer who is constantly looking to leave after 6 minutes because that constitutes 15 minutes care; This in itself must create stress to the service users and the carer resulting in fraught situations where someone is taking longer than expected;  worst case scenario this could lead to abuse. The alternative is that the more conscientious carers work for five hours and get paid for four. At rate of £7.20 an hour that sounds like it takes it below the minimum wage. Is it any wonder we are hearing stories of poor care when the carers are treated in such a way.


On a note about zero hours contracts being outlawed the companies are getting round it by offering a 7 hour contract over a week.

hallucinations

I was visiting Jean, my lonely lady who lives alone in a remote village. If you remember she is the one who always looks for any excuse to keep you longer than necessary and spends her day watching the clock for when the next carer arrives. In recent months I have been doing her late call and have spent a bit of time each evening talking about her past. She has some lovely stories about her escapades during the war.




Tonight I noticed a piece of cotton wool taped to her arm and asked what it was
'I have had a blood test because the doctor thought I had a urine infection but wants to check out some other avenues' she replied candidly
'So it's not a urine infection then' I enquired.
'No, bloody doctors blame everything on urine infections' she retorted
'Well it can be quite nasty,'I explained 'I've had lots of ladies and gents who have had them and they can cause hallucinations.'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, most of them believe they can see people in the corners of the room and they start talking to them'
'I talk to my departed husband every morning; I tell him he has to go before you lot arrive'
'That's different, lots of people do that. In these cases they hear them talking and even hold conversations. They really believe the person is in the room.'
'Oh really! Just from something as simple as a urine infection?'
'Yes!'
'Incredible! she chuckled 'How do I go about getting one of these urine infections? I could do with some company'

Not every one is the same

It struck me today how much I have to change my behaviour according to the different situations and people I am visiting. You can't teach this skill as it is something you either do naturally or have to learn as you gain experience.

One of my ladies for example, loves to listen to me singing when I do my chores (must be tone deaf) but occasionally when she has had a bad night she wants silence. I have learnt over time to assess her mood before I make too much noise.There are some ladies and Gents who like a laugh and joke and others who just want you to go in, do your job and disappear; Some want to know all the gossip and others barely say a word; Some of my ladies like a cuddle when they are feeling a bit low; Nearly all appreciate a kiss on the forehead to say goodnight, whereas there are a few who definitely 'DON'T!'

Subject matter has to be considered too, I avoid politics and religion at all costs. You have to tune into people's sense of humour as well, I remember one occasion when I got it totally wrong;  I am always looking for little bits of humour or news to share as I do my visits, so when I saw a clip on 'You Tube' with two men doing a clever routine in the nude with a small towel to cover their decency, I thought I had found  a little gem. I went from call to call demonstrating the scene using tea towels, keeping my clothes on of course. Everyone found it hilarious, especially as I was deliberately being rubbish at it and kept dropping the towel on the floor.

'I think you had better keep you clothes on for now Dear!'
'Perhaps a bit more practise is in order'
'I don't think it's ready for the stage yet Luv'

 As I left each house I could hear chuckles and guffaws echoing in my ears and I was feeling pleased with my day's work. Apart from one gentleman who stopped me in mid flow and told me that it was ridiculously crude and not funny at all. What's more he barely spoke to me properly for two days despite my apologies. I stick to talking about  the routes I take on my bike rides now.

On the other side of the coin there is Sandra, a lady brought up in the East End of London who loves a bit of smutty humour. I clearly have to be careful what I say as I have a professional image to uphold but the other day she was looking at her bird feeders and I told her a story about the ones in my garden.....

I had bought some suet balls and a feeder for the feeding station and watched with anticipation for any sign of activity. After about two weeks I had given up hope and mentioned this to my wife, who said we have to be patient as the birds need to get used to them being there. The knowledgeable remark of an avid 'Springwatch' viewer
Another week went by and whilst at work I received a text from my wife which read like this: -
'Great tits on your fat balls' to which I replied  'Yes darling, but are there any birds on our feeders yet?'

 When I hit the punch line Sandra laughed like a drain for about five minutes.

Gallows humour

Edith is an independent lady who refuses to acknowledge the fact that she is getting on a bit. She is over 90 but still likes to get out and about despite her family telling her to take it easy and let them drive her about.

Yesterday as I entered her apartment found her sitting in her armchair with a huge black eye. 

'Goodness Edith, what have you done to yourself'

'I fell over outside Tesco' she replied casually.
'Tesco?' I said with a certain amount of shock. 'But that's on the other side of town!

'I know, I fell off of the bus' 

'What were you doing going to Tesco's when there is a shop round the corner?'

'Well my kettle broke, so I was taking it back'

'You should have waited until your daughter could take you'

'I know, I was a bit silly really; ended up at A&E for three hours and I have bruised all my ribs too'

'Yes it was more than a bit silly and I bet you didn't have your walking stick with you either'

'Nope and you know what was even sillier' she smirked 'it wasn't until later on that I realized that I had bought the kettle from Sainsbury's'

the water jug

Meals on wheels is a life line for a large number of elderly people. They provide a hot meal every day served on a plate from a friendly smiling face. The food is wholesome and provides a balanced diet for many who can't be bothered to cook and start to neglect their health. Like care workers, they are also another contact with the outside world for what would otherwise be a lonely existence. They also provide an information service to the elderly with various leaflets about health issues and awareness of cold calling fraudsters.





Earlier this year they gave all their customers a fleece blanket along with some instant hot drinks to help keep warm through the winter months.  I had to smile as I entered  each house and saw the now familiar black and white fleece folded on the side or laying on a lap.

'I see you have had a present from Meals on wheels' I would say to them
'Oh yes, isn't it lovely' and 'What a great idea' and 'It's keeping me nice and warm' came the regular replies.

No doubt pleased with the popularity of this gesture Meals on wheels tried again this week, giving a free water jug along with a letter explaining the importance of keeping hydrated. As a carer I thought this was a great idea as I calculated that 90 percent of my ladies and gents have had a urine infection at some time since I started and one gentleman has died.

Needless to say, I used the jug as a talking point, but unfortunately I was not greeted with the same positive responses as the blanket.

'Bloody thing taking up space'
'I can't drink all that in a day'
'I have spent all my life drinking tea, why should I start changing now?'
''I suppose it's some busy body up at the council trying to tell us what we should and shouldn't do again'
'You can tell those do gooders to stick their jug where the sun don't shine'

Coming from ladies and gentleman as old as a hundred who am I to argue; I obviously tried, but in most cases my protestations fell on deaf ears

I was beginning to get a bit wary about commenting on these unwanted gifts and receiving barrages of abuse;
There was one lady, however, that I was convinced would be pleased about her new jug. Despite having a lot of money, she would always make do with a coke bottle as her water receptacle, with myself and another carer always on the look out for a new one as a replacement when the old one got stale and began to smell.
'Why do I need to waste money on a proper jug when an old coke bottle will do' she would say
So as I entered her house I was pleased to see the new jug sitting on the side but dismayed to see it empty. Perhaps it had only just arrived I thought, so unperturbed and convinced she would be pleased with her new acquisition, I enquired if she liked it.

'Bloody thing, what a waste of time!' she replied
I was quite taken back by this retort and immediately started on my healthy living response.....
'But you need to drink plenty of water to stop urine infections'
'I know that!' she said
'And you of all people should know that'
'I know!'
'You had urine infection only last month'
'I know!
'And you could do with a new jug as those old coke bottles are unhygenic'
'I know!'
'So why are you not using it'
'Bloody thing leaks, it has a pin hole in the bottom, I fell asleep and woke up with water everywhere'